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Roof jokes in 2024

My roofing business is having a great promotion right now…
– If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.

I’m a roofer and earlier today my coworker asked me how I’m gonna get down from the roof of the house. I said I could jump or I could climb down.
– I chose the ladder.

Last night I was laying in bed, looking at the stars and I asked myself…
“Where the hell is my roof?”

I asked a roofer if he had two $10’s to break my $20…
– He only had shingles.

i threw my phone from the roof, and it broke…
i guess airplane mode isn’t working

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof!
A bachelor named Steve who lived at home with his mother and pet cat went on a trip to Europe. Before he left, he told his best friend to inform him of any emergencies. A few days after his departure, his cat climbed up on the roof, fell off and was killed. His friend immediately wired him with the message: “Your cat died!”

In a few hours, Steve was back home, having cut his trip short in grief and in anger at his friend. He told his friend, “Why didn’t you break the news to me gradually? You know how close I was to my cat! You could have sent the message ’Your cat climbed up on the roof today,’ and the next day you could’ve written ’Your cat fell off the roof’ and let me down slowly that he died.”

After a quick memorial service, the bachelor left again to continue his trip. A few days into his trip, he returns to his hotel and there’s a message waiting for him from his friend.

The message read, “Your mother climbed up on the roof today.”

A little moron and a big moron were shingling a steep roof when suddenly the scaffolding collapsed. They both slid down the roof and stopped at the very edge, and then one fell off. Which one?
– The big moron. The other one was a little more on.

A man was mending his roof.
– A man was mending his roof, when suddenly an elderly messy man showed up on his lawn, yelling to him “Sir, would you get down please”. The man, not wanting to have to climb down and up the ladder again, yelled back, “What’s the matter, sir?” The old man replied, “Just get down here first!” The man thought for a second, and being the polite man he is, climbed down the ladder and asked the old guy. The old guy replied, “Can you please spare me some money?” The man, after thinking for some moment, said, “Come with me.” He climbed up the ladder, with the old man following him. When both of them were already up on the roof, the man said to the old man, “No.”

I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day,
luckily my boss said I could wipe the slate clean.

I got a pop up ad for a locally owned Sean Connery roofing supply company
It said, shingles in your area .

This building is so tall, that if you jumped off the roof…
– You would die of old age.

I would tell you the joke about the roof.
But it may be a little over your head

If you’re looking for a relationship, become a roofer.
– You’re bound to find hot shingles in your area.

A roofer with a lisp
– Is hired to install new roofs across the city, when he didnt get paid – he began tearing up all his hard work without discrimination.
It was roofless.

My none-too-bright mate had an accident on a building site when a slate fell off the roof and sliced his ear off…
“Here it is” said one of the lads working with him holding up what looked like a bloody walkers ridge crisp.

My mate shook his head “No, that’s not it, mine had a pencil tucked behind it”

Two cat’s are on a roof, which one falls off first?
– The one with the smallest mu.

A man walks into a bar……
– He sits down and has a few beers and with a big grin on his face he strikes up a conversation with the guy next to him. He tells him “You will never believe this, but there is some kind of updraft in the ally next to this bar and you can walk right off of the roof and just hover in place!”

Of course the guy doesn’t believe the drunk guy telling the story so he goes “Yeah? Prove it”. So the drunk guy says “come on I’ll show you, it’s incredible!”.

They go up to the roof and without a second thought he walks of the building and to the other dudes surprise he was indeed just floating there! The other guy is amazed and astonished, he goes “I gotta try that!” He steps off of the edge and falls like a stone to the pavement below.

So the drunk guy enters the bar again and with a grin on his face chuckling to himself, the bartender gives him a glance and says “Geez Superman, you’re such a mean drunk!”

Jesus spoke to me yesterday.
– But I don’t like talking to my roofers, so I had his brother Juan tell him not to do that in the future.

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