Roof jokes in 2025

Last night I was laying in bed, looking at the stars and I asked myself…
“Where the hell is my roof?”

I asked a roofer if he had two $10’s to break my $20…
– He only had shingles.

i threw my phone from the roof, and it broke…
i guess airplane mode isn’t working

My roofing business is having a great promotion right now…
– If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.

I’m a roofer and earlier today my coworker asked me how I’m gonna get down from the roof of the house. I said I could jump or I could climb down.
– I chose the ladder.

An American, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese are arguing where Adam and Eve were from.
The American says, “Adam and Eve must be American. Look at how much they love freedom – they have everything they could ever want in the Garden of Eden, yet they still pursue the one single thing that they’re forbidden from by God. To love absolute freedom so much, they must be American!”

The Frenchman says, “No, Adam and Eve must be French! They wander around the garden in nakedness full of love for each other, and even went against God to take the forbidden fruit all for their love of each other! To love so strongly and deeply, they must be French!”

Finally, the Vietnamese says, “No, no, Adam and Even must be Vietnamese! Look, they have no possessions – no roof above their heads, no clothes, even an apple is forbidden to them! To be so destitute and still believe they’re in Paradise, they must be Vietnamese!”

Three car-making friends met up together, to discuss their businesses.
Friend One says: “I had an idea, something original, a car with 360° wheel movement. Only three people bought it.”

Friend Two says: “I went for a similar approach, I made a car with adjustable suspension, and it actually sold a few thousand.”

Friend Three says: “Like you two, I tried something original, a car with doors that slide over the roof, and nobody bought it! So I took someone else’s blueprints and copied it, it sold millions!”

”Wow,” Friend Two says, ”People ask for something original, but they never actually buy it. What they *really* want is the same old thing.”

A police department hired me to repair their roof
I was above the law.

One night, as I was laying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself…
“What the hell happened to the roof?”

Why was the dog wearing a construction hat?
– His speciality is roofing.

The relative who wanted to borrow money
– A relative just called & asked if I would loan her $1300.00 to help pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I’m always willing to help out friends & family. I told her to give me some time to think about it & I would call her back. Before I called her back, her brother called & told me that my relative was lying & not to give her the money. He goes on to say that the real reason my relative wanted the $1300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday. I thought about it for a minute & decided to give her the $1300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called my relative and told her to come get the money. A couple of hours later I get a call from the County Jail. It was my relative crying, screaming & asking why I gave her counterfeit money.

My response…. so you & your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday….

I spent the morning by thoroughly coating the ladder that leads into my roof space with grease.
– Its an anti-climb attic story.

I took my dog to the local talent agent yesterday.
We walked through the door and I handed him our card:

“Barney. Talking dog.”

The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, “Alright, show me what you got.”

“Hey Barn, how was work this week?”

“Rough.”

“What goes on top of a house?”

“Roof.”

“Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”

“Ruth.”

Just then the agent grabbed us both and tossed us out into the street.

Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head.

“Knew I should have said Hank Aaron.”

My roofer was so kind, he told me that I didn’t need to pay for his services!
– He said its on the house.

Started a charity roofing company.
– The name? It’s on the House.

Why were you on the roof drinking?
– Because you told me the drinks were on the house!

Chuck Norris doesn’t have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don’t dare to come in

Did you hear the one about the roofer with a perfect safety record?
– He never had a shingle accident.