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Roof jokes in 2022

When my next door neighbour started throwing chunks of chicken, lamb, beef & pork off his roof, I thought “Wow…
…a meatier shower”.

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a roof?
– Tequila.

Corny joke from a warehouse worker.
Was loading semi trailers and it was raining like hell. Asked my team lead to step inside a trailer with me.

“Hey Billy, I keep hearing a weird noise every time I step in a trailer.”

“What’s it sound like?”

(While pointing at the roof) “It sounds like autotune.”

“Autotune?”

“Yeah, it’s just a Lil Wayne.”

I started a boat business in the attic.
– The sails are going through the roof.

I didn’t trust my wife home alone with the roofers…
– So I hired an all gay roofing crew. I don’t know if it worked worked, she said they’ve been outside banging all day.

In last night’s high winds I lost 25%of my roof….
– oof…

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof…..
The first construction workers says, “I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I’m going to kill my self by jumping off this roof.” He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The second construction worker says, “If my wife packed me cold pizza for lunch again I’m going to kill my self by jumping off this roof.” He opens his lunch and there’s cold pizza. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The third construction worker says to himself, “If my wife packed me a fish sandwich I too will jump off this roof and kill my self.” He opens his lunch and there is a fish sandwich. He follows suite and jumps off and kills himself.

Later on the three wives meet at the cemetery after the funerals.

The wife of the first construction worker says while crying, “If only I would have packed him a turkey sandwich he would still be here with me.”

The wife of the second construction worker is also crying. “If only I would have packed him meatloaf instead he would still be here.”

The third wife is just standing there looking frustrated with a more confused look. The other two look at her and ask her why she isn’t crying and wishing she packed his lunch a different way.

“Don’t look at me the dumbass packs his own lunch.”

The roof was caving in by the minute. I spent my few seconds deciding what to do…
– And then it hit me.

I’m a roofer and earlier today my coworker asked me how I’m gonna get down from the roof of the house. I said I could jump or I could climb down.
– I chose the latter

What kind of home repairs are dogs good at?
– Roofing.

I was walking past a building site when the guy hammering the roof called me a “paranoid little weirdo”
– In morse code

They say talk is cheap.
– But my phone bill is through the roof.

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