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Finance jokes 💰💸 in 2023

Tip-jar humour in our local coffee shop: “Afraid of Change? Leave It Here.”

Why did the financial analyst give his daughter gifts today instead of waiting until Christmas?
– Because he understands “Present Value”

I’m so good at finance…
– Even my bank says my balance is outstanding.

I’m going to finance a theatrical production performed on a stage covered in pages from the dictionary.
– It will be a play on words.

If your name is on the building, you’re rich; if your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class; if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.

How did the Marine pay for food on his business trip?
– He used his carpe per diem

My finances are ok right now.
– 0K* sorry.

I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time. “Can’t you live within your income?” asked the judge. “No, Your Honor,” she said. “It’s all I can do to live within my credit.”

Did you hear about all the shared expenses going to Hawaii?
– It was their allo-cation

Bill Gates has often claimed how hard it is to give away 100 billion dollars.
– Then he discovered divorce.

‘I’m normally not one to brag about my financial skills but my credit card company calls me almost every day to inform me my balance is outstanding!

Did you hear about the new superhero, Accounts Payable Woman?
– She had superhuman li-abilities

My jam business failed.
– My finances got spread too thin.

Why should you never count your money while standing on an ant hill?
– You might finance in your pants!

Why did the financial system collapse in ancient Egypt?
– Pyramid schemes.

What do you call an “inventory” of boats?
– Finished goods available for sail

An engineer major asks…
“How can we build this?”
A business major asks, “How can we finance this?”
– A liberal arts major asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.

“How did you do that?” he asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she explained. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”

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