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Finance jokes 💰💸 in 2024

How did the accountant unlock their door?
– They used their ten key

How do you tell how profitable a butter company is?
– Look at the “net margarine”

I travel around the country giving seminars on the beneficial features of dried grapes.
– I’m in the business of raisin awareness.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

How do you tell an accountant to be quiet?
– You tell them to use their invoice

Which department do you call when ants go missing?
– Dept. of Finance.

My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month.
– “Crippling depression,” I told him.

What do you call it when a group of executives falls back during battle?
– A corporate retreat

New research shows there are no Ginger Bankers…
– Survey results suggested that although many wanted to work in finance, they wern’t able to sell their soul to Satan…

Why do fixed interest rates smell so bad?
– Because they never change

Why was the fishing store so valuable?
– It had a lot of “net” worth

I used to own a donut making company, but I got fed up with the hole business.

You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there’s no real difference between me and George Clooney.

What do you call a vendor that never tells the truth?
– A Supp-liar

British people are always recording their finances…
– Because the camera adds ten pounds.

I feel the classical musicians from the 17th and 18th century were not financially well-off.
– Because they come from the Baroque era.

Why did the clean freak hate dealing with Cost of Goods Sold?
– Because it always made their profit “gross”

Studying finance is pretty easy…
…until you get to the class on-sell buyology.

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