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Military Jokes ⚔️ in 2024

A platoon sergeant and his platoon leader are bunked down in the field for the night.
-The platoon sergeant looks up and says, “When you see all the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?”

How do you knock out a marine while he’s drinking water?
-Slam the toilet lid down on his head.

Did you hear about the accident on base?
-A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernels.

Air Force Fact:
-The only time you can have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

What do you call someone who just got run over by a tank?
-Crunchy.

What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet?
-The jet stops whining once you turn the engine off.

Why couldn’t the sailors play cards?
-The captain was sitting on the deck.

My papa was a veteran and he used to boast about how he saved more than 300 sailors from dying from an excruciating death.
-Turns out he shot the cook.

What do you call a high ranking soldier who hates recycling?
-General Waste.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army officer?
-A flat major.

My niece asked me if they have to swim to get in the Navy.
-I couldn’t figure it out, but I guessed she thought about it after my nephew declared that he was going into the Marines and stole her crayons.

What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common?
– If pilots screw up, they die. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die.

I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements
-So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.

Where do Generals keep their armies?
-In their sleevies.

What does ARMY stand for?
-Air (Force) Rejected Me Yesterday.

What do you call a snail aboard a ship?
-A snailor.

An Airman and a Marine walk into the restroom at the same time.
-The Airman finishes up and heads out. When the Marine is finished, he washes his hands and then catches up to the Airman. “Hey, buddy. In the Marines, they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak.” The airman responds, “In the Air Force, they teach us not to pee on our hands.”

A Marine orders a pizza and the waitress asks if he’d like it sliced into four pieces or six.
-“Make it four. I’m not hungry enough for six.”

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