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Yoga Jokes 🧘 in 2024

What do you get charged with if you kill a yoga teacher before the start of class?
– Premeditated murder.

I started dating my yoga instructor.
– Now we’re friends with zenefits.

What do you call a bagel that has mastered yoga?
– A pretzel.

What do you say at the end of a squirrel yoga class?
– Nutmaste.

Who taught the park ranger how to do a downward facing dog?
– Yogi Bear.

What does a dyslexic cow say?
– Oooommmm

I asked my friend if she wanted to do yoga in the park?
– “In this heat?” She said, “Namaste at home.”

Jesus is a regular at my yoga class
– Pilates screwed him up real bad but he keeps coming back

Why did the yogi return the vacuum cleaner?
– It came with too many attachments.

What did the guru eat every morning?
– Granola with yogi-urt.

How many Iyengar students does it take to changes a light bulb?
– Only one, but she’ll need four blankets, a chair, six blocks, and two straps.

Rules for wearing animal print yoga pants:
1. Weigh less than the animals they represent

2.

3.

I had a Yoga teacher when I was younger and he was always drunk and touched me inappropriately,
– He put me in an awkward position.

I’ve been practicing yoga for decades.
– It’s been a long stretch.

What did the yogi say when his student asked him what he wanted for his birthday?
– I wish no gifts, only presence

Why didn’t the redneck leave the yoga class when it was over?
– On his way out he said, “See you next week.”

What did the yoga instructor say to her landlord when he tried to kick her out?
– Namaste.

Why does the bear love yoga class?
– It’s a good chance to paws and reflect.

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