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Construction jokes 🚧🛠️👷 in 2023

What does a reptile carpenter in the Jurassic age use for cutting wood?
– He probably used a dino-saw!

What did the chief engineer instruct during the construction of Big Ben?
– He asked workers to work right under the clock.

I didn’t expect much from the movie about construction workers, but it was actually quite riveting.

Did you hear the amazing story about the blind construction worker?
– He picked up a hammer and saw.

Seven construction men are all workings​ at the roadside…
– That’s the joke…

Which band do construction workers love listening to the most?
– They absolutely love ‘The Carpenters’.

What does a construction manager tell his workers?
– He usually tells them to nail the delivery!

My manager asked me for a blueprint so I stuck my hand in blue ink and pressed my palm on his desk.

Easiest way to tell a scientist from a construction worker?
– Have them pronounce unionize.

Why did the constructor shy away from making construction jokes?
– Because the joke still needed some work!

What did the stand-up comic say about his road construction joke?
– He could only lay it for everyone in some time.

What was the most groundbreaking invention?
– It had to be the jackhammer.

I got T-boned by a construction delivery truck the other day.
– It came down like a ton of bricks.

A Russian, a Mexican, and a Korean all show up to a construction site and get hired.
– The boss says that for their first day on the job, the Russian is in charge of concrete, the Mexican is in charge of wood, and the Korean is in charge of supplies.

The boss then leaves and comes back a few hours later to check up on his new workers.

He walks over to the Russian, and all the concrete mix is stacked up nice and orderly. The boss tells him “great work!” and moves on.

He walks up to the Mexican and sees that al the wood is stacked in a perfect pile, so he says “wonderful job!” and moves on.

He then looks around and sees that the Korean is missing, and supplies are everywhere. Out of nowhere, the Korean jumps out from behind a pile of dirt and yells “SUPPLIES!”

What similarity do you find between a volleyball player and a carpenter?
– Both are equally known for liking hammer spikes!

What do you say to an amateur worker having difficulty with the saw?
– “If you can pull it, then don’t bother pushing it”.

What do construction workers say when they successfully complete a task?
– Nailed it!

An attorney asks an engineer to gather some evidence at a newly laid construction site.
– He examines everything he can – looking for any evidence in the steel beams, the pipes, the equipment around, even the rebar where the foundation will be set in hopes to find anything to use in the case.

With his findings in hand, he returns to the attorney’s office. “Well, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news.” he says, “Good news is, I’ve looked at what I can find and Ive got a couple of theories.”

The attorney, glad to have some more to go off of, replies, “Well that’s great! What’s the bad news, then?”

The engineer replies, “Well that’s the thing – they’re just theories.

I haven’t gotten any concrete evidence.”

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