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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2023

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar
– The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says “sort it out yourselves.”

The Easter Bunny walks into a bar. The Bartender says, “I suppose you want a White Rabbit.” The Easter Bunny says,
– “I don’t care, just give me something hoppy.”

Why did the woman bring a ladder to the bar?
– Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

A Guy walks into a bar
– A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!” He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!” The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man “When are you going to pay for these beers?” The man answers, “Now the problems start!”

A horse walks into a bar.
– The bartender asks the horse if it’s an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don’t think I am”~~ “I think not!” POOF! The horse disappears.

A bartender yells “Does anyone know CPR?”
– “Hell I know the whole alphabet!” I shouted.

A woman holding a duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig?
– ” The woman responds, “It’s not a pig, it’s a duck.” The bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”

A cornstalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?
– ” The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”

The bartender said we don’t serve time travellers.
– Two men walk into a bar.

– A gal walks into a bar and orders a bottle of wine. After she downs most of the bottle she tries to get the bartender’s attention. “I used to be grapes!” she announces loudly. “What?” the confused bartender asks. “I’m sorry,” she apologizes. “That must have been the wine talking.”

A baby seal walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “What’ll it be?”
– The baby seal answers, “Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks.”

A crab walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint please,
– but if I’m not satisfied with it, I’d like to be compensated with ten bottles of champagne.” The bartender says, “Why the big clause?”

Guy runs into a bar, yells “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
– Bartender says “Three feet tall.”

Guy says “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

A sexual predator, a racist and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
– The bartender says “What can I get you Mr. President?”

A cowboy walks into a bar. “What can I get for you?” the bartender asks. “A double whiskey, neat,” he replies.
– As the bartender pours, she asks, “How’s it going today?”

The drunk on the next stool turn angrily and says “Be careful. You are speaking about the woman I love.”
– “What can I get you Senators?”

ƒ(x) walks into a bar. The bartender says,
– “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.
– He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he’s in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

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