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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2022

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar
– The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says “sort it out yourselves.”

A guy walks into a bar and has several beers while he complains to the bartender about his soon-to-be ex-wife.
– “I was a complete idiot when I married her,” the guy laments to the bartender. “Probably,” the bartender agrees. “But I suppose she was in love at the time and didn’t notice right off.”

E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says,
– “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

A man walks into the bar…
– The bartender: “Hi Dave!”

The boss faints.

This is an old joke but my husband told me to never tell it again!
– 3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks a Bloody Mary?

The vampire shakes his head. Hot water for me

Hot water?

I found a tampon out back and want to make tea

So the bartender asked, why do you have a time machine?-
A time traveller walks into a bar.

I went into a bar and said to the bartender, “Surprise me…
– So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get you?”
– “Pop”, goes the weasel.

A blind man walks into a bar
– The bartender says “Oh hey! I haven’t seen you in forever!” The blind man says “same”

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar
– The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says “sort it out yourselves.”

A Zebra walks into a pub and asks for a beer.
– The bartender says “Sorry I can’t serve you”
The Zebra asks “Why not?”

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
– Poke-her-face.

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar
– Bartender says “What can I get you Mr. President?”

An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.
– “What’ll it be?” The bartender asks.

“I’ll have a beer,” the etymologist says. “A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning “to drink”.

“I’ll have an Americano,” the entomologist says. “It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!”

The bartender gets them their drinks. “And for you, sir?” he asks the third man.

“I’m just wondering how I got here,” the etiologist replies.

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit “what’ll ya have?” The rabbit replies,
– “I dunno… I’m just here because of autocorrect.”

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”
– “Because…He’s my newt.

Two dragons walk into a bar. One says to the other, “It’s hot in here.
– ” The other snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar…
– … and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: “What did you use to make the ice cubes?”

Bartender: “Water.”

Ramsay: “Fresh?”

Bartender: “No, frozen.”

Ramsay: “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

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