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Vaccine jokes 💉😷 in 2023

What do you call a coffee filter mask?
– A coughy filter.

My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.

How did the health experts lie? They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store. When I got there, everyone else had clothes on.

If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033?
– There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.

What do you call grabbing your packages from the front porch?
– The day’s outdoor activities.

I tried to tell a covid vaccine joke to some anti-vaxxers…
– But they didn’t get it.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
– Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.

What do you call staging a beer in every room of the house?
– A pub crawl.

Who’s there?
Ech Who?
Bless You!

I find it really awkward that my Grandparents named my Dad’s sister “Vaccine”…
– I’m embarrassed to tell people that she’s Auntie Vax

What did Alexander Hamilton say before he got his COVID vaccine?
– I am not throwing away my shot.

I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.

One horse asks the other if he’s tried Ivermectin. “I haven’t,” he says, “but my neigh-bor has.”

A man comes home for his nutritionist appointment.
– He tells his wife, “These doctors need to get their act together. This one told me stay away from chips, but the other one told me to get the vaccine.”

A Vegan and a CrossFitter walk into a bar…
– But they couldn’t get a single word in because someone just got their vaccine shot

Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy. For months nobody has walked into a bar.

Did you hear the joke about the germ?
– Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.

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