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Vaccine jokes 💉😷 in 2023

What do you call a coffee filter mask?
– A coughy filter.

Did you hear about the guy speculating on hand sanitizer?
– He was rubbing his hands together.

I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish Flu have passed away.
– This seems very suspicious to me!

What’s the difference between Lay’s and the Pfizer vaccine?
– The Pfizer vaccine has at least one chip in it.

Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.

Lockdown means you get to decide each day what outfit you’ll wear in your livingroom.

What did the barista call her face mask?
– A coughy filter.

How to make Americans take vaccines
– Tell them immigrants are coming to America to take all their vaccines.

“Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That’s because I’ve laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.”
“Joke’s on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.”

Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on.

What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke?
– Be patient.

Joe Rogan caught COVID but made a near-complete recovery. Unfortunately, he’s still not able to smell jiu-jitsu.

Anti vaccine americans being ignorant isn’t their fault
– They didn’t go to school because they are scared of being shot

Why is there global chip shortage?
– Because it all went into vaccines.

I thought you had to wear a mask when entering businesses. They kept yelling at me to put on some pants.

Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.

I finally convinced my hillbilly friend to get a Covid vaccination, but he doesn’t want Moderna.
– He says, “ just because she sang some good pop songs back in the 80s don’t mean she knows how to make a vaccine!”.

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