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Vaccine jokes 💉😷 in 2024

What do you call a coffee filter mask?
– A coughy filter.

My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.

Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”

What do you call someone whose life didn’t change after quarantine?
– An introvert.

What did the astronauts say to NASA when they notified them that their mission was complete and they could return to earth?
– Thanks, but no thanks.

You won’t believe the reason Eminem stopped being antivax and decided to get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine!!
– You only get one shot.

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect
– I haven’t made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny?
– They’re in bad taste.

What are some unexpected consequences of over-the-counter efforts to treat COVID-19? Dirty fish tanks.

I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect
– Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound

The lead singer of Disturbed has refused to get the Covid vaccine.
– He’s Down With The Sickness!

Did you hear about the guy speculating on hand sanitizer?
– He was rubbing his hands together.

I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish Flu have passed away.
– This seems very suspicious to me!

What’s the difference between Lay’s and the Pfizer vaccine?
– The Pfizer vaccine has at least one chip in it.

Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.

Lockdown means you get to decide each day what outfit you’ll wear in your livingroom.

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