Zoom jokes 🧑🏽‍💻 in 2025

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.
The teacher says to Susie, “Tell the class why you want to be a teacher.”

Susie says, “Actually, I want to be a stripper.”

The teacher asks, “A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession.”

Susie says, “That was before I saw your tiny apartment.”

The 12 Days of Corona
In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP

An announcement was made by the government in the USSR
Since only one in seven households had a vehicle, drivers were speeding incessantly and the government announced that anyone speeding would be fined regardless of who it was.

One day Gorbachev gets out of his hotel and is late to the Kremlin, so he tells his driver to get in the back seat and proceeds to gun it down the road.
There were two police on motorcycles on the road and after zooming past the first one the second officer goes after the vehicle.
When he gets back the first officer asks
“Did you fine him?”
The officer shakes his head and says “No I didn’t give him a fine”
The officer says “Why not?”
He replies “Oh too important”
The officer says “Well we’re told to give anybody a fine no matter who it is!”
“No, no this one I couldn’t… too important”
The second officer says “Who was it?”
He said “I couldn’t recognize him but his driver was Gorbachev!”

Source: Ronald Reagan.

Gonzales Nails
– The Gonzales company was trying to market their new carpenters nails, and they were thinking about what kind of commercial they should run. One of them says “let’s start with an image of Jesus on the cross, and the camera can zoom in on the nails, and our logo then comes up at the bottom!”. The others say “ehhh… That might be a bit much, people could easily take offense to that, maybe let’s look at other options”. They keep discussing and finally come to an agreement. The next day, the commercial airs. It opens with two Roman soldiers talking with each other outside. In the distance you see a semi-naked man running across the screen, the soldiers look at him, turn to each other and exclaim “Damnit!! We should have used Gonzales Nails!!”

I translated this from Spanish, so be gentle.

The Holy Family were unable to participate….
…in the conference call.

There was no Zoom at the inn.

I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.

Spelling matters!
– I was waiting on a Zoom call to start, but client was having technical issues. The client texted and said, “please bare with me.” Thought it was an odd request, but he’s the client.

Eventually we got the video to work, but now I’m fired.

If you’re working on a desktop or laptop, make sure to put on a mask. You wouldn’t want to catch one of those computer viruses.

A man driving down a freeway road at 55 MPH.
He looks out the window and sees a chicken running along side his car. He speeds up to 65 and the chicken is keeping pace with him. He notices that the chicken seems to have multiple legs but before he can confirm it the chicken takes a hard left turn down a dirt road. Intrigued he turns around and goes down the road and finds a chicken farm. He looks on in amazement as all the chickens are zooming around the compound. He sees one chicken standing still pecking the ground and sure enough it has 3 legs. Stunned, he gets out of the car and sees a man throwing feed out for the chickens. He calls out to the farmer who comes over to the fence. The man asks the farmer “whats with all the three legged chickens?” The farmer replies “oh yeah, well my son, wife and I like to eat chicken, especially the leg, so I bred these to have three legs. One for my wife, one for my son and one for me.” The man, still amazed asks “well, how do they taste?” The farmer replies sadly “I don’t know, I haven’t caught one yet.”

The 12 Days of Corona
In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP

Bernie, Joe and Donald are on a Zoom call.
Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump secretly have regular Zoom conversations.

Bernie: “I dreamed last night that God spoke to me. He said that he wanted me to be president.”

Joe: “That’s funny. I had the exact same dream.”

Donald: “I don’t remember talking to either of you last night.”

A drunk man staggers out of a bar late at night.
– Struggling to keep his balance, he grabs on to a nearby pole to be able to stand still. A few minutes later a fire engine zooms by blaring its sirens. Looking at the truck, the man started running furiously after it and yelling incoherently, but after a good kilometre, he finally collapsed and panting heavily, he yelled out

“You can keep your rotten ice cream!”

Yo mama so stupid
– She wears a face mask on a zoom meeting

Zoom meetings are basically seances with the living…
– Brian, are you there? Make a sound if you can hear us. Is anyone with you? Can you hear us?

I accidentally called a presentation a “slide deck”
– Now everyone on the Zoom meeting knows I’m actually 40

I told a joke over my zoom meeting
– It wasn’t even remotely funny

I like to wrap myself in a blanket when I work from home. You could say I now work undercover.

How does an old man zoom in in Skyrim?
– The elder scrolls