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Work jokes in 2025

What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
– A sentence.

Chaos, panic and disorder.
– My work here is done.

What’s the best work politics?
– Anti-work but pro-paycheck.

Why is ice so edgy?
– Because it was water before it was cool.

Why do retirees count pennies?
– They are the only ones that have time.

Sorry I’m late! Traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past five years and I was not expecting that.

What do you call a fake noodle?
– An impasta!

Today, my son asked Can I have a bookmark?
– and I burst into tears. He’s 11-years-old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
– There isn’t enough time to get everything done.

They always say you need to fight fire with fire.
– That’s why I got fired from my job as a firefighter.

Why are Ladas so bad?
– Because they keep Stalin.

Five-fourths of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

If you think you can, you can’t.

What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
– Make me one with everything.

What kind of a car does Yoda drive?
– A Toyoda.

I visited my friend at his house and he told me to make myself at home.
– So I threw him out because I don’t like to have visitors.

What do you call a pigeon who can’t find his way home?
– A pigeon.

What do you call a Russian procrastinator?
– Putinoff.

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