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Work jokes in 2025

I visited my friend at his house and he told me to make myself at home.
– So I threw him out because I don’t like to have visitors.

What do you call a pigeon who can’t find his way home?
– A pigeon.

What do you call a Russian procrastinator?
– Putinoff.

Great things never come from believing in yourself.

What do retired people call a long lunch?
– Normal.

Why did the can crusher quit his job?
– Because it was soda pressing.

How many apples grow on a tree?
– All of them.

Know why skeletons are so calm?
– Because nothing gets under their skin.

When I retire, I’ll be happy.

I’m at a really low point today.
– But the worst is yet to come!

What band was better than The Cure?
– Prevention!

Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself?
– It was two tired.

”Let me give you some advice: First, they ignore you. Then they laugh at you.”
-”And?”
-”That’s it.”

Steak puns are rarely well done.

Why did the computer go to the doctors?
– It had a virus.

Why do vampires look sick?
– They are always coffin.

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time,
– be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

How do you make a fire with two sticks?
– Make sure one of them is a match!

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