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Work jokes in 2024

How do you count cows?
– With a cowculator!

Where do eggplants come from?
– From chickenplants.

I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.

I can’t wait for retirement.
– I’ll barely walk and have money.

I like telling Dad jokes.
– Sometimes, he laughs.

What’s the pirate’s favorite letter?
– It’s not r. It be the c.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
– Ten-tickles.

Here is my “great employee” mantra:
– “Don’t work.
– Never dream.
– Always give up.”

What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?
– A labracadabrador.

What’s the best day to go to the beach?
– Sunday, obviously.

If it wasn’t for the last minute,
– nothing would get done.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people. But it doesn’t matter
– none of them work.

I love it when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words:
– Were you fired?

How did the iPhone propose to his girlfriend?
– He gave her a ring

I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.

Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.

Hey Boss, what’s a committee?
– 12 people doing the job of one.

What concert costs just 45 cents?
– 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

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