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Wine Jokes 🍷 in 2025

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
-Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

What did the grape say when it was crushed?
-Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

It’s funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible
-but 8 glasses of wine is a sign of a good meal.

What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
-Mos-cat-o!

What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
-Chardon-neigh!

What is a terrorist’s preferred kind of wine?
– White Infidel.

Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
– He heard it was a Goodyear!

What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
-Port whine!

Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
-Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with?
– Sushi.

Sometimes we all need a Riesling to
– be cheerful.

We have an open-door policy
-Show up with wine, and we’ll open the door.

Oh no! My wine glass is empty.
– Somebody call Wine-One-One!

I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass;
-I won the dance competition.

What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
-I am drinking wine and feline fine!

Unlike milk, when is it okay to cry?
– When there’s spilled wine.

Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
-He heard it was a Goodyear!

What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
-A Sherry Picker.

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