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Welding jokes 👨‍🏭 in 2025

So i got 2 ‘O’ levels in Biology and metalwork…
So if your Dog needs welding I’m your man…

What do you call a welder who cannot read?
– Helpless.

Why do welders not like leaving work?
– Because it’s such a nice break from reality.

Why do welders wear earmuffs?
– To stop them from listening to stupid questions.

How do welders compliment each other?
– Weld done

What do you call a welder who never does their job?
– A ne’er-do-weld.

Why do welders get their neckties matched to their eyes?
– To avoid a clash with their sparks.

Why do they only give welders ten minute breaks?
– Any longer and they’d have to retrain them.

Why did the apprentice bring scissors to a boat show?
– He was told to do an arc cutting.

Why does the foreman keep reprimanding his welding employees?
– He likes to test their metal.

What do you call a welder with only one eye and both arms missing?
– Trustworthy.

How do you tell a chemist from a welder?
– Ask them to pronounce the word “unionised”

What do you call a happy welder?
– An oxymoron.

Why did the welder take off his watch?
– He wanted to see how long it took to weld 5 inches.

Why is dating easy for welders?
– They always bond.

How do you tell a chemist from a welder?
– Ask them to pronounce the word “unionised”

Why do welders have a better chance of getting laid than accountants?
– Because they are more willing to take chances.

A man answered an ad that read, “Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour.”
When he arrived he was told he’d have to take a welding test.
He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.
When the boss asked him why he did this, he replied, “One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr.”

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