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Welding jokes 👨‍🏭 in 2024

Why do welders have a better chance of getting laid than accountants?
– Because they are more willing to take chances.

A man answered an ad that read, “Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour.”
When he arrived he was told he’d have to take a welding test.
He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.
When the boss asked him why he did this, he replied, “One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr.”

Why did the apprentice bring cement to the campfire?
– He was told to harden the flame.

How does underwater welding work?
– It’s all about the current.

Why did the welder wear a helmet?
– Because he lost his head.

Why do welders make better lovers?
– They burn hotter, penetrate deeper and I’ve never seen a gap that a welder couldn’t fill.

What news does an underwater welder pay the most attention to?
– Current events.

What do welders use for birth control?
– Their personalities.

What does a welder say when there’s a leak?
– I guess it didn’t seal weld.

What do you call a porcupine with an acetylene torch?
– Spiny the welder.

What do you call a welder that is afraid of heights?
– A ground-ed welder.

Three welders walk out of a bar…
Hey, it could happen!

Why are welders good tennis players?
– They have an excellent forehand and backhand.

LPT: Instead of buying welding gloves, get oven mitts from your local store…
They are cheap and thin enough to remind you it’s still 2020.

Why do welders have big ears?
– So they can hear better.

How are welders like prostitutes?
– You usually find them in awkward places screaming for more rod and more money.

A welder sees an ad for help and a metals shop. $18-$25 per hour. He goes in and asks about the job. They give him some metal to weld and tells him to bring it back when he’s done. The welder brings back two welds. The first one is beautiful. Pristine beads, straight as an arrow. The shop owner complements him on such fine work. The second weld is sloppy and unappealing. The shop owner asks “what’s up with the difference in welds?” The welder says, “the first one is $25 an hour and the second one is $18”.

What does a welding school grad say after his first day on the job?
– “I can’t see anything without my torch.”

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