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Weekend jokes in 2025

Where do cows go on weekends??
To the ….
Moooooooovies.

I’ve been screwing all weekend and my wrist is killing me
– Installing drywall is hard work.

What is Daniel Defoe’s favorite day of the week?
– Friday.

When can Monday feel better than a Friday?
– It can’t.

Every weekend I tell myself “John, you gotta quit drinking man”
– Good thing my name’s not John…

Christmas at the vet’s office
– A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How was your weekend?” the bartender asks. “Expensive. The dog ate a bunch of Christmas ornaments off of the tree, so I had to take him to the vet,” the guy says. “Vet says he has a bad case of tinselitus.”

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