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Weekend jokes in 2025

Washing Machine Repair
– So my washing machine has been broken for a few weeks now. When you’d run it, it would get off balance during the spin cycle, causing it to make loud, metallic thumps and scoot across the laundry room.

I spent last weekend disassembling it to find the problem. I located the faulty part and ordered a replacement. It came in this week and I spent the afternoon making the repair. It involved once again taking the washing machine apart, pulling out the broken part, putting in the new part, and reassembling. The whole process took a couple of hours.

When the repair was finally done, I was so excited that I immediately put a huge load into it.

…then afterwards, I put in some laundry to test it.

When do rich people celebrate Black Friday?
– Every day.

Why was everybody so worried about Friday?
– Because it was Fatal Friday.

Trying new things, decided to try to smoke a fish this weekend…
– Just couldn’t figure out which end to light!

I’m performing in a theatrical production of the dictionary this weekend
– Its a play on words..

People think staying awake all weekend is unhealthy
…but really, sleep is for the week

What should have been the name of the sequel of Friday the 13th?
– Saturday the 14th.

What does Friday smell like?
– Weekends.

“How can you watch Victoria Secret Fashion Week but still claim you love only me?” My wife asked
” The same way I watch Formula One whole weekend but still drive my trusted 2012 Toyota Camry everyday” I replied..

That satisfied her…

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

Cold war joke.
There’s a sale on panties at the New York Macy’s store
An American woman goes to the checkout with 7 panties.
Cashier:” Only 7? They’re on sale this week.
The woman replies,”No Thanks,7 is all. One for every day of the week.”
Next in line is a woman from France with 5 panties.
Cashier:”Only 5? They’re on sale.
“Thank You,but no. I have one for each weekday and on weekends I’m a free spirit(wink wink)
Next in line a great big burly Russian woman with 12.
Cashier: Well 12,that’s a nice even amount.
Russian. “Yes 12…..Jan,February,March,April……..

Why couldn’t Friday lift the heavy weights?
– Because it was a weak day.

How does Good Friday end?
– With a ‘y’.

What color were the skies over the Bahamas thus weekend?
– Dorian Gray.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
– Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Why was the customer unhappy with the vacuum he brought on black Friday sales?
– It sucked.

What is the thing that almost sounds unreal but is actually very real?
– Boring Friday.

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

I only drink on the weekends,
Friday thru Thursday.

(This used to be the case anyway. Today marks 10 years since my last drink. I am thankful to have made it this far and won’t ever go back.)

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