Most Popular Categories

All Categories

Weekend jokes in 2024

I love to go shoot pool with my friends on weekends.
– The swimmers don’t much care for it though

When I was younger, my dad went to prison because he set his boss’s house on fire. I always wondered if I’d wind up in jail like my old man, so I visited him one weekend and I asked him, “Dad, are we all pyromaniacs in this family?” And he said…
“Yes we are, son.”

Who can profit a lot on Friday the 13th?
– Tailors because they know a lot of superstitchens.

What fun activity did the student do after finishing school on Friday?
– He went home.

The weekend
– Usually I think the weekend goes by too quickly but after the Super Bowl halftime show, it seems The Weekend went on forever.

To play it safe I got all 3 shots this weekend
– A shot of Crown Royal, a shot of Jim Beam, and a shot of Jack Daniels.

My beautiful colleague asked if I was free this weekend.
“Of course!” I can’t be any more happier.

“Good.” She replied: “Can I switch shift with you?”

What is faster than the Flash?
– Friday nights.

Why did my dad not go to work on Good Friday?
– Because it was a holy-day.

I went fishing at the weekend and there was this bloke splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, “I can’t swim! I can’t swim!”
– “It’s alright, mate,” I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, “It says no swimming anyway.”

I came up with a joke on Tinder. It was wasted on her.
– Frodo, Sam, Pippen and Merry went to Kay’s Jewellers. Frodo said to the jeweler: “We are all getting married this weekend, and we shall need 4 wedding bands!”. The jeweler responded, “I’m sorry, we are almost completely sold out. The best I can offer is one ring to woo them all.”

What was on the specials on Black Friday?
– Leftovers from Thanksgiving Thursday.

What is Friday’s favorite day?
– Friday. It’s just that good of a day.

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.
– Nothing but thyme on my hands.

Boss: Can you work this weekend?
Me: Yeah no worries but I’ll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.

Boss: What time will you get here?

Me: Monday.

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend
They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

What happens to black cats on Friday the 13th?
– They have a lot of hiccups.

What does it mean when you arrived late at work for the fifth time in a week?
– It means that is a Friday.

Follow us on Facebook