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Weekend jokes in 2024

The most looked for time of the week, the weekend jokes add to the enjoyment of them as well as help to make the rest of the week more fun. While many people do enjoy their jobs, it can become difficult to do so many things at once, and a restful weekend can be looked forward too all week.

My mom died on the weekend while listening to celtic music.
– She had an enyarism.

Had an amazing time Bobsleighing last weekend.
– I slayed 28 Bobs!!

NSFW A man returns to work on Tuesday after a long weekend due to his 25th wedding anniversary he had celebrated over the weekend. His buddies were happy to see him and wanted to know how his little vacation was. “Perfect!”, he replied. “I came home, and nobody was home. So I went upstairs to
– the bedroom and there she was; naked and on all fours, and she tells me happy anniversary, you can do whatever you want to me!
His friends asked, “So what did you do!?!?”
He replied, “I sent her to her mother’s!”

What did a worker tell his co-worker when the long and busy week was about to end?
– “Fri-nally.”

What should you do on Good Friday if you want to eat a lot on Easter?
– Egg-cersise.

Nathan Chen won the figure skating gold at the olympics over the weekend
– The judges rated his performance a perfect Chen out of Chen

I went to a bar on the weekend and the sign read:
Hamburgers £1:00
Cheeseburgers £2:00
Hand Job £3:00 (Oh yesss!!)
I called the attractive blonde behind the bar across to enquire. “Can I help you?” she asked with a big smile. “I was wondering (I whispered) Are you the one who gives them ummm!! Hand Jobs?” “Yessssss” she almost purrs “I am” “Well wash your hands,” I said “I want a cheeseburger!!”

Why should one visit a tire shop on Black Friday?
– They will have a blowout.

Where should a cow go on a Friday night after work?
– Mooooooooovies.

Sometimes during the weekends I drink some water
– you know, to surprise my liver.

Patrick was having a vacation in Australia
and couldn’t seem to make it with any of the girls….So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

Mate, it’s obvious,’ says the lifeguard, you’re wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They’re years outta style.

Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos – About two sizes
too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside ’em.
I’m tellin’ ya mate…you’ll have all the babes ya want!’

The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick!

So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him,
‘What’s wrong now?’
‘JEEZUS CHRIST!’ said the lifeguard, ‘Maaaaate. The potato goes in front!’

My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
– I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”

Why did I come back from the office early?
– Because it was Friday De somber the 13th.

How long is Monday from Friday night?
– Five minutes.

I’m going to a charity event for female amputees this weekend
– That place is gonna be *crawling* with chicks

My mother advised me not to marry an electrician
“Don’t marry an electrician, he will take late night calls and plug himself into other women”, my mother warned me.

“Don’t marry a plumber either”, she continued, “he will work on weekends and do other women’s pipes”.

“Don’t marry a pizza boy neither. He will work on Friday nights and make other women pizzas”

And that’s why I married an unemployed man!

I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend.
– It was so emotional.

Even the cake was in tiers.

What would a tired person do if Friday night was a person?
– Hug it and never let it go.

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Weekend Jokes for the Weekdays

Even people who like their jobs, and especially those who do not, enjoy one liner weekend jokes all throughout the week. It helps to pass the week and to enjoy the time a bit more to find others who are also looking forward to the end of the week, to share silly weekend jokes together. Cheesy weekend jokes can make a lunch time more enjoyable, share a laugh over a copy machine, or great coworkers at work every morning.

Weekends are often the time that people see their friends and spend time with their families, making them something to look forward too. Short weekend jokes are even added to coffee mugs for the staff room, posters for the workplace, and so much more.

Weekend Jokes for Kids

Weekend jokes for kids are about resting, watching TV, and cartoons. Short weekend jokes about pajama days in front of a movie or of avoiding chores by pretending to do homework are all ways that kids share their thoughts and ideas with friends. TV jokes, movie jokes, and PJ day jokes are all other types of jokes that kids will share throughout the week as they prepare for the weekend and are looking forward to how they’ll spend the time. The funniest weekend jokes can help pass the week and will be sure to make the kids laugh, they are easy to share and they make the week go faster.

Sometimes there are big plans for the weekends, birthday parties lead to birthday jokes, pool parties for pool jokes, and bowling parties will bring out all the bowling jokes they know. Kids like to make people laugh and to share the things that they are excited for, including whatever they have planned for their weekend. Top weekend jokes may be BBQ jokes, or animal jokes for those who live on farms or have pets.

Sharing interests helps to form friendships and to boost confidence. Long weekend jokes are sure to be the most popular before a long weekend occurs, and the holiday jokes about the extra days off. Cartoons and children shows will use the best weekend jokes to connect with their viewers and to show that they are all understanding and have the same feelings about weekends.

Who Uses the Most Weekend Jokes?

People who hate workweeks, who dislike their job, or who are overwhelmed and tired are the most likely to use the best weekend jokes. They will use them to make the days seem to go faster and to act as an insult or a statement about how much they dislike the weekdays and are looking forward to them being over. Silly weekend jokes are one way to share those feelings with others who may feel the same, and to bring them closer to their coworkers and their friends.

Hilarious weekend jokes are some of the most popular jokes, and among certain demographics, such as those who like to party, clean weekend jokes are sure to arise the following week about the adventures they had. Party jokes and those about having had the best weekend ever, or having the worst weekend ever, will be shared around the workplace and schools for the first few days of the week.

They are one way to share their experiences with others, and to learn more about the people they spend so much time with. Corny weekend jokes about spending it drinking and hungover, or cheesy weekend jokes about eating too much or watching movies all day, will help people to share their outside lives with those that they spend their days with.

Whether they are about weekends to come or weekends paste, jokes, puns, and stories are common ways to share life details with the people who are seen every day. They are such a large part of daily life, yet miss many of the outside things that happen only on weekends, they aren’t in the same clubs or sports, and it is common to share about those things during the week.

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