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Weekend jokes in 2025

What did a worker say to another worker who was not feeling like working on a Friday?
– “Just a few more hours of work left, weekend make it!”

Is Good Friday a sad day?
– Yes, but the next day’s a Sadderday.

Wasted weekend
– A wasted weekend is not a waste of a weekend

Why was the boat shop owner happy on Black Friday?
– It was the most successful sail of that year.

What did John Wicks’ enemy tell him on Friday?
– “Be careful, Wicks going to end soon”.

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
– To keep their nuts dry!

I was at a party last weekend
– The DJ played the Macarena, so I did the Macarena

Next, he played the Hustle, so I did the Hustle

Finally, he played “Come on, Eileen”. I got kicked out for that one.

My gardener is entering his Bonsai plants in a contest this weekend
– I’m rooting for him

What type of pasta is favorable on Friday the 13th?
– Fettuccini Afraid-o.

What can absolutely ruin your Fridays?
– Realizing it is Thursday.

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time this weekend.
– They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

Blonde joke
A brunette is complaining to her blonde friend:
“My boyfriend bought me flowers again. That means I’ll have to spend the weekend lying on my back with my legs in the air.”
The blonde asks, “Why? Don’t you have a vase?:

Interviewer: How would you like to spend a nice weekend?
Interviewer: ” A: Spending you time with your wife, or….”

Old Man: “B, B, B!!!”

Why was the hospital empty?
– Because it is a feel-good Friday.

I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
– None of you are invited.

The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
– He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

I must have ate something wrong last weekend because I had diarrhea for the next few days.
– So today was the first day I felt normal, I took care of myself and I finally did myself a solid.

What kind of beans do Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th prefer?
– Human beans.

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