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Watermelon jokes 🍉 in 2025

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in a watermelon patch?
– >!Melanie!<

Did you hear about the guy who smashed all those fruits?
– It was a slaughter melon.

So a group of cacti walk past a couple of watermelons
The cacti say “wow, nice melons!”
– The watermelons reply “what a bunch of pricks.”

I have a head like a watermelon, the arms like two baguettes, and the body of toilet paper – what am I?
– Banned from the supermarket!

What do you get when you cross a watermelon with broccoli?
– A melon-coli snack!

What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
– Pork rinds!

I pick my women like I pick my watermelon.
– A little rough with a discolored bottom and heavier than the appear.

Why did the watermelon go crazy?
– He lost his rind.

What do you call a disabled gay person?
– A watermelon, because it’s technically both a fruit and a vegetable.

I love it wet, juicy and a nice pink/red color. Sometimes it gets my fingers and face wet and sticky, but I don’t mind. I love Watermelon anyway.

What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
– Pork rinds

Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
– It wanted to become a watermelon

Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?
– It had melonoma

How do you make a watermelon more watery?
– You have to plant it in the spring (a spring is a small river).

What do you get when you slice a watermelon in four pieces?
– A quartermelon!

Why are watermelons the saddest fruit?
– They’re melon-choly!

Why did the Honeydew princess stay and marry Duke Watermelon instead of running off with her true love?
– She cantaloupe

Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
– They’re seedy.

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