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Viola jokes in 2025

What is the first sound you hear after the conductor yells, “Bratsche?”
– The concertmaster saying, “Gesundheit.”

What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
– Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?
– Shoot 11 of them.

What’s the difference between a violin and viola?
– Violas burn longer.And do you know WHY the viola burns longer?
– It’s usually still in the case.

Q: How do you teach a Violist down-bow staccato?
– A: Write a whole note, put a down-bow mark over it, and then label it “solo”.

What’s the difference between a viola and a coffin?
– The coffin has the dead person on the inside

Why is viola called “bratsche” in Germany?
– Because that’s the sound it makes when you sit down on it.

What do you call a viola player with half a brain?
– Gifted.

What is the longest viola joke?
– Harold in Italy

Who’s the world’s most famous Cuban fiddle?
– Fiddle Castro.

What do you call a bunch of violists in a hot tub?
– Vegetable soup.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?
– Who the hell wants a dozen violists?

What’s the difference between a chainsaw and a viola?
– A chainsaw has a better chance at blending a string quartet.

Q: What is fifty Violists at the bottom of the ocean?
– A: A good start.

What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
– You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What instrument do violists envy most?
– The harp. You only ever have to play pizzicato on open strings.

Why do you always bury a viola player three feet under?
– Because deep down they are all very nice people.

What’s the range of a viola?
– 35 yards if you’ve got a good arm.

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