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Viola jokes in 2025

What’s the difference between a viola and an onion?
– No one cries when you cut up a viola.

What’s another name for viola auditions?
– Scratch lottery.

Why do violists have pea-sized brains?
– Because alcohol has swelled them.

How do you get two viola players to play in tune?
– Shoot one of them.

Q: Why are violins smaller than Violas?
– A: They’re actually the same size — it’s the violinists’ heads which are larger.

Why is a viola solo like premature ejaculation?
– Because even when you know it’s coming, there’s nothing you can do about it

What is the main reqirement at the “International Viola Competition?”
– Hold the viola from memory.

Why do so many people take an instant dislike to Viola players?
– Why wait; It saves so much time.

Did you hear about the violist who played so out of tune even the rest of the viola section could tell?
– (Just kidding. That could never happen.)

Why would someone confuse a violin and a British museum?
– They both have scrolls.

What’s the difference between a chain saw and a viola?
– If you absolutely had to, you could use a chain saw in a string quartet.

How is a viola like a lawsuit?
– Everyone’s happy when the case is closed.

What’s the difference between a violist and a prostitute?
– A prostitute keeps better tempo.

Q: Why is a bass better than a Viola?
– A: The bass burns longer.

What’s the definition of a minor second?
– Two violists playing in unison.

What is the similarity between a violist and a prostitute?
– Both are paid to fake climaxes.

What’s the only thing a violinist can do better than a violist?
– Play the viola.

What do you call two viola players playing in unison?
– Counterpoint.

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