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Viola jokes in 2025

What do you call two viola players playing in unison?
– Counterpoint.

Q:A: Music Minus One. What is the best recording of the Bartok Viola Concerto?
– A: Music Minus One.

Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
– Because no one will look for them.

Why did the violist marry the accordion player?
– Upward mobility.

Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
– Because no one will look for them.

Who makes the best viola mutes?
– Smith & Wesson.

A store was selling silent violins; what did the signboard say?
– Silent Violins, no strings attached.

What is the definition of a cluster chord?
– A viola section playing on the C string.

How does a violist’s brain cell die?
– Alone.

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
– The viola holds more beer.

Q: Why does a Viola burn longer than a cello?
– A: The Viola is always in its case.

What’s the definiton of “perfect pitch?”
– Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.

What’s the latest crime wave in New York City?
– Drive-by viola recitals

What do you call 1,000 violists buried up to their necks in sand?
– Not enough sand.

How can you tell that a viola player has died?
– The violinists have hopeful looks on their faces.

Q: How is a Viola solo like wetting your pants?
– A: Both publicly humiliating, neither fortunately make much noise, but briefly do give one a nice warm feeling.

Why do violists smile when they play?
– Because ignorance is bliss and what they don’t know can’t hurt them.

How do you transcribe a violin piece for viola?
– Divide the metronome marking by 2.

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