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Viola jokes in 2025

What’s the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a crushed viola on the road?
– There are skid marks before the skunk.

What’s the difference between a viola player and a lawnmower?
– The exhaust smells different.

Q: Define a true gentleman.
– A: One who can play the Viola, and won’t.

Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
– It saves time.

How many violists does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies?
– Ten. One to stir the batter and nine to peel the M & M’s.

How do you call a violist with two brain cells?
– Pregnant.

How do you know there’s a group of viola players at your door?
– None of them can find the key.

Can you tell me how many first violinists are required to screw a light bulb?
– Just one who will hold it in place while the world revolves around them.

What’s the most popular recording of the William Walton viola concerto?
– Music Minus One

How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando?
– Mark it “solo.”

How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando?
– Mark it “solo.”

Did you hear about the violist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
– The rest of the orchestra didn’t believe him, so he proved it by playing one.

What is the difference between a radio and a viola?
– A radio plays music.

What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common?
– They’re both offensive and inaccurate.

How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
– The bow is moving.

What’s the similarity between the Beatles and the viola section of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra?
– Neither has played together since 1970.

What’s the latest crime wave in New York City?
– Drive-by viola recitals.

What is the first sound you hear after the conductor yells, “Bratsche?”
– The concertmaster saying, “Gesundheit.”

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