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Viola jokes in 2025

How do you transcribe a violin piece for viola?
– Divide the metronome marking by 2.

How do you get a viola player out of a tree?
– Cut the rope!

What’s the famous viola players’ credo?
– “It’s far better to play a little sharp than to play out of tune.”

How did the violist learn to play the viola?
– She started fiddling with it

How is lightning like a violist’s fingers?
– Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

Why do violists get antsy when they see the Kama Sutra?
– All those positions!

How do you transcribe a violin piece for viola?
– Divide the metronome marking by 2.

What’s the ideal weight for a professional viola player?
– About 20 ounces – not counting the urn.

Q: What’s the difference between a Viola and a trampoline?
– A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

What does a Viola section sound like under water?
– A good idea.

Why was the violist arrested for slapping his wife?
– On charges of domestic violins.

Why shouldn’t violists take up mountaineering?
– Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they’re missing.

Why do you always bury a viola player three feet under?
– Because deep down they are all very nice people.

What’s the difference between a violist and a dog?
– The dog knows when to stop scratching.

How does a composer create an orchestral glissando effect?
– Write a 16th note run for the violas.

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
– Put it in a viola case.

Why shouldn’t you drive off a cliff in a mini with three violas in it?
– You could fit in at least one more.

How do you stop a violist from drowning?
– Take your foot off his head.

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