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Viola jokes in 2025

Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?
– They both give you a nice warm feeling without making any sound.

How does a violist’s brain cell die?
– Alone.

How can you make a violin sound more like a viola?
– Sit in the back row and just pretend to play.

Did you know about the musical where a horse plays the violin?
– It’s called the ‘Fiddler on the hoof’.

What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common?
– They’re both offensive and inaccurate.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside people’s houses?
– They can’t find the key and they don’t know when to come in.

How does a violist’s brain cell die?
– Alone

What’s another name for viola auditions?
– Scratch lottery.

What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a crushed viola in the road?
– Skid marks before the skunk.

How do you keep a violist from drowning?
– Take your foot off his head

What’s the difference between a viola and a lawnmower?
– You can tune the lawnmower.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
– When you throw a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.

We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer?
– It’s usually still in the case.

How many violists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
– None. They’re not small enough to fit.

How can you tell if a violist is playing out of tune?
– The bow is moving.

What’s the difference between a viola and fingernails scraping on a blackboard?
– Vibrato.

Q: A Violist and a conductor are in the street. You are driving and cannot avoid them both. Which do you hit?
– A: The Violist. Business before pleasure.

What’s the difference between a washing machine and a violist?
– Vibrato.

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