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Viola jokes in 2025

Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?
– They both give you a nice warm feeling without making any sound.

How does a violist’s brain cell die?
– Alone.

How can you make a violin sound more like a viola?
– Sit in the back row and just pretend to play.

Did you know about the musical where a horse plays the violin?
– It’s called the ‘Fiddler on the hoof’.

What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common?
– They’re both offensive and inaccurate.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside people’s houses?
– They can’t find the key and they don’t know when to come in.

How does a violist’s brain cell die?
– Alone

What’s another name for viola auditions?
– Scratch lottery.

What’s the most popular recording of the William Walton viola concerto?
– Music Minus One

How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando?
– Mark it “solo.”

How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando?
– Mark it “solo.”

Did you hear about the violist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
– The rest of the orchestra didn’t believe him, so he proved it by playing one.

What is the difference between a radio and a viola?
– A radio plays music.

What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common?
– They’re both offensive and inaccurate.

How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
– The bow is moving.

What’s the similarity between the Beatles and the viola section of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra?
– Neither has played together since 1970.

What’s the latest crime wave in New York City?
– Drive-by viola recitals.

What is the first sound you hear after the conductor yells, “Bratsche?”
– The concertmaster saying, “Gesundheit.”

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