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Vampire Jokes 🧛 in 2025

Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire
-It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat

Oh my God!!! You’re turning into a vampire?! I didn’t even bite you yet!!
-That, kids, is what’s known as PREMATURE EDRACULATION

Why do vampires always dress so nice?
– Because they’re so vein!

What do you get when you mix a snowman with a vampire?
-frostbite!

I met a vampire who is a MASSIVE sociopath
-He has absolutely no capability of self-reflection.

What do you call a group of vampire enthusiasts?
-A fang club.

What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day?
-A coffin break.

To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it’s heart.
-Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking. started feeling Grumpy

What do you call a narcissistic vampire?
-Transyl*VAIN.*

What did Vampire Elvis say as he left the stage?
– Fang you, fang you very much!

First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy
-**First night as a vampire hunter:** oh no

A vampire calls his doctor, “Someting is very, very wrong.”
-When I pee, there is no blood!

Why do vampires drink blood?
– because they can’t drink bloodly Marys because they are vampires

What do you call a vampire who’s car breaks down 3 miles from a blood bank?
-A cab

What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
-Vein-illa!

What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
– A blood test!

Why don’t vampires use autocorrect?
-Because they love Type Os

What is a Vampire’s Favorite Fruit?
-Nectarine

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