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Vampire Jokes 🧛 in 2025

What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day?
-A coffin break.

To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it’s heart.
-Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking. started feeling Grumpy

What do you call a narcissistic vampire?
-Transyl*VAIN.*

What did Vampire Elvis say as he left the stage?
– Fang you, fang you very much!

First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy
-**First night as a vampire hunter:** oh no

A vampire calls his doctor, “Someting is very, very wrong.”
-When I pee, there is no blood!

Why do vampires drink blood?
– because they can’t drink bloodly Marys because they are vampires

What do you call a vampire who’s car breaks down 3 miles from a blood bank?
-A cab

What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
-Vein-illa!

What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
– A blood test!

Why don’t vampires use autocorrect?
-Because they love Type Os

What is a Vampire’s Favorite Fruit?
-Nectarine

Why do vampires love corny jokes?
-Because they’re the pun-dead!

What does Kevlar and vampires have in common?
– If the bullet don’t get you the sunlight will.

Why are vampires so impulsive?
-Because they never reflect on anything.

why did the vampire go to the doctors?
– because of his coff’in.

How do snowmen keep warm
-With a snow blanket!

Why aren’t vampires allowed to work for Uber or Lyft?
-Because they drive everyone batty!

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