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Vampire Jokes 🧛 in 2025

What kind of ship does a vampire like?
-A blood vessel

Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
– They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!

Where do vampire’s wash up?
– In the bat tub.

What do you call an educated vampire?
-Dr.Acula

I just did a DNA test and found out I’m 50% vampire
– I’m so bloody ashamed I can’t look at myself in the mirror.

What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
– Bat Damon!

What’s a vampire’s favorite beer?
-*Bloodw*eiser

Why didnt the vampire attack taylor swift?
-cuz she got bad blood

How do vampire footballers get the mud off?
-They all get in the bat tub.

Why are vampires so obsessed with necks?
-Because they were raised by a neck romancer.

Why did the vampire fall in love with the Wizard?
-Because the wizard was a neck-romancer.

How can you tell if someone has contracted vampirism?
– They’re always coffin!

Why was the vampire locked up in an asylum?
-He went bats

You do realize that Vampires aren’t real…
-Unless you Count Dracula.

What do you call an attention deficit French vampire?
-Drac…Ooh La La!

how can you tell if a vampire is sick
-By how much hes coffin

Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe
– Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters
-She’s the new Miss Stake.

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