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Vampire Jokes 🧛 in 2025

If I had to choose, I think I’d rather be a Vegetarian Vampire.
-Beets the alternative.

What is the favorite drink of a vampire?
– bloody mary

I’m afraid my wife might be a vampire.
-She like to stay out all night, all of her guy friends invite her over before she can visit them and she always seems genuinely concerned when I try to stab her with a wooden stake.

What do you call it when a vampire loses track of his coffin?
-A grave situation!

What do vampires cross the sea in?
– Blood vessels.

Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire
-It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat

Oh my God!!! You’re turning into a vampire?! I didn’t even bite you yet!!
-That, kids, is what’s known as PREMATURE EDRACULATION

Why do vampires always dress so nice?
– Because they’re so vein!

What do you get when you mix a snowman with a vampire?
-frostbite!

I met a vampire who is a MASSIVE sociopath
-He has absolutely no capability of self-reflection.

What do you call a group of vampire enthusiasts?
-A fang club.

What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day?
-A coffin break.

To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it’s heart.
-Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking. started feeling Grumpy

What do you call a narcissistic vampire?
-Transyl*VAIN.*

What did Vampire Elvis say as he left the stage?
– Fang you, fang you very much!

First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy
-**First night as a vampire hunter:** oh no

A vampire calls his doctor, “Someting is very, very wrong.”
-When I pee, there is no blood!

Why do vampires drink blood?
– because they can’t drink bloodly Marys because they are vampires

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