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Vampire Jokes 🧛 in 2025

Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe
– Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters
-She’s the new Miss Stake.

How do you join a Vampire Fan Club?
– Send your name, address and blood group.

I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself…
-my wife rushes through the room and shouts, “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK”

What is a vampire’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
-Vein-illa

What do you say to someone who refuses to believe their friend is a vampire?
-Wake up and smell the coffin!

Why did the vampire’s head pop?
– He bit someone with high blood pressure

I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.
-Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.

They bless the rains down in Africa.

Why was the vampire in a good mood?
– His last victim’s blood was B+

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman
– Frostbite

Why don’t vampires bet on horses?
-They can’t handle the stakes.

Have you ever heard of an italian vampire?
-Neither have i #garlicPower

What can you catch from a vampire in winter-time?
-Frost-bite!

I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was.
-I told them it was the one from Sesame Street.

“Pfft, he doesn’t count,” they said to me.

I replied “Well that’s where you’re wrong kiddo”

This movie about killing dwarf vampires has no tension
-The stakes are too low

Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
– They forgot to Count Dracula!

What did the vampire say to the Invisible Man?
-Long time, no see.

How does a vampire get across the ocean?
-a boat

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