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Vampire Jokes 🧛 in 2024

Why did the vampire want to become an artist?
-Because he liked to draw blood

What kind of cheap beer do vampires drink?
-Blood Light

A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a vampire, a nun, a gorilla and a blonde walk into a bar.
– The bartender says “what is this, some kind of joke??”

What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
– Love at first bite <3

what do you call a vampire that drinks blood between meals?
-snackula

What do you call a russian vampire?
-Blyat cyka

What do vampire footballers have at half-time?
– Blood oranges.

Why do vampires never create new businesses?
– They’re afraid of the stakeholders

(A joke I just made up)

Why do vampires make terrible businessmen?
->!They can’t deal with stakeholders!<

Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
-Because they were sunny side up!

What’s a vampire’s favorite ethnic food?
-Maxi Pad Thai.

If I had to choose, I think I’d rather be a Vegetarian Vampire.
-Beets the alternative.

What is the favorite drink of a vampire?
– bloody mary

I’m afraid my wife might be a vampire.
-She like to stay out all night, all of her guy friends invite her over before she can visit them and she always seems genuinely concerned when I try to stab her with a wooden stake.

What do you call it when a vampire loses track of his coffin?
-A grave situation!

What do vampires cross the sea in?
– Blood vessels.

Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire
-It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat

Oh my God!!! You’re turning into a vampire?! I didn’t even bite you yet!!
-That, kids, is what’s known as PREMATURE EDRACULATION

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