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Uncle Jokes in 2024

olorblind uncle
– My colorblind uncle was feeling down so I gave him encouragement by saying “don’t worry the grass is always grayer on the other side”

My uncle got an award for not wearing a mask.
– The Darwin Award.

Hey my name is Nathan and i’m 12 years old:) I was wondering if there was a dating site for only 12 year olds and under…
– I’m not asking for myself!! My uncle was wondering

The teacher said Little Timmy, do you believe that you have a fairy godmother?
– Little Timmy said I’m not sure, but I’ve got an uncle we keep an eye on.

My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
– He fits the bill.

My uncle Rob died at the height of ecstasy, in one of those seedy hotels, when the ceiling mirror fell on him
– Sad to die alone like that.

Uncle Ben has died.
– That’s it, no more Mr. Rice Guy!

Uncle Ben has died…
– No more Mr Rice guy.

My uncle used to counterfeit pennies…
– My uncle used to counterfeit pennies out of real copper, but got copper poisoning. At least, we think that’s what happened, because one day he just stopped making sense.

My uncle always talks about his disappointing sex life…
– It always end in an Auntie climax.

My drunk uncle is Santa Claus
– He breaks into my house, drinks all the milk and snacks.. Then, he unloads his sack all over the living room.

My uncle’s wife is a centimeter tall, has six legs, and is always on edge.
– I guess you could say she’s a little a(u)nt-sy.

30 years ago my uncle stole my nose, and he hasn’t given it back.
-Lord Voldemort

It’s like my uncle always said: “The day I can’t do my job drunk…”
“…is the day I hand in my badge and gun.”

Well,would you?
– If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office
– It’s a pretty big undertaking

My uncle was a ventriloquist dummy. He died drinking furniture polish.
– It was a slow death but a beautiful finish.

Uncle Ben
– A true credit to his rice

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