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Uncle Jokes in 2024

My father was a conjoined twin so his brother was …
– My uncle on my fathers side

I’ve an uncle who works for the symphonie part-time.
– He’s a semi-conductor.

Every birthday, my uncle Guiseppe used to cook me a meal
– He’d say, “That was the pasta, this is the present.”

I gave my late uncles widow a watch for her birthday.
– Now shes just my uncles widow.

A little buffalo ask his dad, “How come you kiss uncle Steve the same way you kissed mommy?”
– “I’m Bison”.

I want to be a billionaire just like my uncle.
– He’s not a billionaire. He wants to be one too.

My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:
– We call him Ciggy Stardust.

My uncle with a stutter was recently sent to prison…
– He’s never going to finish his sentence.

My father was a conjoined twin. We called his brother my uncle on my father’s side.
– But since the operation, now he’s my uncle once removed.

My French uncle Francois was a TERRIBLE father.
– He was a real faux Pa.

My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.
– Hans is literally the wurst.

Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?
– It takes too long to hollow out her head.

(I got this one from my uncle)

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
– It’s for Hispanic attacks

I learnt cuss words from my uncle’s son
– He’s always a cousin

My uncle just died.
– He fell into a vat of polish at the furniture factory.
It was a terrible end but a lovely finish.

My uncle got rich the American way
– He tripped over things and sued people.

Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle.
– Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won’t let me buy them beer.

After 20 years of attempts, my uncle finally figured out a recipe for breath fresheners made of bulls genitals…
– It’s a teste mint to his determination.

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