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Uncle Jokes in 2025

I had an uncle who worked circumcising elephants
– The pay wasn’t great, but the tips were enormous!

My uncle is buying his wife a crane for christmas
– He’s really upping the ante

What type of tea does Uncle Sam drink.
– Liberty.

My Uncle always said “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!”
– He did heroin

My uncle used to have an addiction to deli meats
– Now he’s quit cold turkey

My uncle was crushed by a piano….
– His funeral was very low key

If there’s an Antartica, why isn’t there an Uncle Artica
– 7 year old daughter just gave this to me as a joke and seriously cracked me up.

My Uncle said this now that there are two popes
– Two popes walk into a bar with Yankee caps on.
The bartender says, “Didn’t you guys use to be Cardinals?”

My uncle died yesterday because we didn’t know what blood type he was…
– He kept saying B positive, but it’ll be really hard without him.

So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.
– Please accept my gondolances.

My uncle used to circumcise elephants. The pay was terrible, but…
– The tips were massive.

My uncle stopped smoking because of coronavirus
– RIP uncle Jim.

Uncle Bill always gave 100%
Son: How did he die Dad?
Dad: He donated blood.

Proper Grammar, Guys
– Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

My great uncle died from drinking furniture polish
– It was a slow death, but a beautiful finish.

I once had an uncle who fell off the roof of a castle.
– He didn’t die, though. He got de-moat-ed.

Dear people who don’t write capital letters,
– We’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

My uncle worked in a can crushing plant…
– His job was soda pressing.

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