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Uncle Jokes in 2024

When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug
– His last wish was to be Frank in Stein

My uncle is such a great businessman that he made $6 million in profits this year
– He works in a non-profit organization

My Uncle has a coal fetish.
– Its why he likes to bang miners.

My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn’t figure out his blood type.
– At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, “Be positive!”

I’ll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed
“I am your Father”

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

My uncle once got his DeLorean up to 88 mph, and ended up 30 years in the future.
– That’s how long he got for hitting all those people at the bus stop.

My uncle is like a good love story
– Very touching

Political opinions are like dicks….
– Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle…
…he said it was the most violent thing he ever read.

My uncle always hated eating mushrooms…
…but now that he’s dead, they’re beginning to grow on him.

Been in Jail for 5 minutes and I’ve already been raped twice…
– I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard.
– Boy after that he went down hill fast.

Uncle Ben would never discourage Peter from joining the Avengers.
– But his aunt May.

I have an uncle who’s ambidextrous, but prefers to use his right hand
– The only thing he does left is write.

My uncle used to always say, “it’s the journey not the destination that matters”.
– Nice guy, horrible pilot.

My uncle used to work at a factory that recycled worn out whitewalls. One day, he fell into one of the processing machines…
– He’s retired now.

After getting punched for making a racist comment at our last family gathering, my uncle won’t be attending the next one because
– black eyes matter.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?
– Uncles.

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