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Uncle Jokes in 2024

All three of my uncles used to grow weed together
– It was a joint effort.

My uncle was in a terrible accident, and lost the entire left side of his body.
– He’s all right, now.

When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug
– His last wish was to be Frank in Stein

My uncle is such a great businessman that he made $6 million in profits this year
– He works in a non-profit organization

My Uncle has a coal fetish.
– Its why he likes to bang miners.

My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn’t figure out his blood type.
– At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, “Be positive!”

I’ll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed
“I am your Father”

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

My uncle once got his DeLorean up to 88 mph, and ended up 30 years in the future.
– That’s how long he got for hitting all those people at the bus stop.

My uncle is like a good love story
– Very touching

Political opinions are like dicks….
– Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle…
…he said it was the most violent thing he ever read.

My uncle always hated eating mushrooms…
…but now that he’s dead, they’re beginning to grow on him.

My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.
– Hans is literally the wurst.

Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?
– It takes too long to hollow out her head.

(I got this one from my uncle)

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
– It’s for Hispanic attacks

I learnt cuss words from my uncle’s son
– He’s always a cousin

My uncle just died.
– He fell into a vat of polish at the furniture factory.
It was a terrible end but a lovely finish.

My uncle got rich the American way
– He tripped over things and sued people.

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