Twin jokes 👭🏻👬🏻 in 2025

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.
Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through the door and embraces Ving and tells them, “Don’t stop, be Lee, Ving”, “Hold on to that fee, ling.”

A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.
– One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.

The next day, the twins’ uncle died.

A Yiddish speaking newcomer to America took his pregnant wife to the hospital, but during the delivery, when he found out they were twins, he fainted.
He didn’t regain consciousness for a few days so his brother was brought in to help name the children.
“My brother named my kids?!” he exclaimed when he woke up. “But my brother is illiterate! And he can’t even speak any English. Okay, so what did he name the girl !?”
“He named her Denise.”
“Denise? Well, that’s not such a bad name. I kind of like it. And what did he call the little boy?”
“De Nephew.”

Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank?
– After they were caught, they finished each other’s sentences.

Two twins were separated at birth
– One of them lived in Cuba, and was named Juan. The other lived in Egypt, and was named Jamal.
10 years after their birth, their birth mother was sent a picture of one of the twins. “I wish I could see the other one,” she said. The adoption mother then said,
” If you’ve seen juan, you’ve seen jamal.”

A husband and wife give up their identical twin boys for adoption. They name one of them Juan and the other Amol
– Years later the wife receives a letter from Juan reaching out to her, he included a picture. Elated she showed her husband who was excited to see his son doing so well in life.. weeks later they receive a letter from Amol telling them how well he is doing and also included a picture. Wife asks hubby ” do you want to see your sons picture?” hubby replies “Why? if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amol”

Little drummer Boy grew up and became a father to twin girls:
– Anna 1, Anna 2

Did you hear about the identical twin police officers?
– They were copies.

I was at this bar once..
– and the bartenders were identical twins. The only way to tell them apart was that one of the brothers had a freakishly small head. After talking for a while I finally asked him what was up with is appearance. He looks around, lowers his voice and says “once I was walking down a beach and found a lamp in the sand, I rubbed it and I’ll be damned if a smoking hot genie didn’t shoot up out of the lamp. The genie offers me one wish, the only thing off-limits is that she would not sleep with me, so I asked for a little head”

I just found out my wife has an identical twin
– I saw her on Tinder.

Weird names can bring problems
– In my neighborhood, there was a couple who had given their twin sons very weird names. One was named Trouble, while the other boy’s name was Mind Your Own Business. So, one day they were playing hide and seek. Mind Your Business counted to a hundred and then started looking for his brother. But, somehow he couldn’t find him anywhere. He saw a police car passing the neighborhood, so he stopped it to ask for help. When the police officer asked him for his name, he replied, “Mind Your Own Business!” Feeling insulted, the police officer still asked politely who he was looking for. Mind Your Own Business replied, “I am looking for Trouble!”

What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime?
– Cell Mates

What do you call Michael Bublé’s identical twin brother?
– Michael Dublé! 😀

A friend of mine said, “Wow! Your wife and your daughter look like twins.”
– I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other.

“Now get a little closer together” said the cameraman. Again “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE”.

So they wiggled up close to each other.

“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus the camera” said the photographer. Yet again “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS!”

With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted out “OH LARD JESUS! BOTH OF US???? CAN I BE FIRST???”

A woman has twins and gives up both for adoption.
A woman has twins and gives up both for adoption.

The first twin is adopted by an Egyptian family and is then named “Amal.”
The second twin is adopted by a Spanish family and is then named “Juan.”
After 25 years, Juan sends a picture of himself to his biological mother after doing some research about his actual mother.
His mother (biological), almost instantaneously recognises him.
His mother then tells this to her partner and she tells, ” How I wish I could see my other son!”.
In reply, her partner says “If they both are identical twins then and then you saw one of them, then you have seen them both.”

A joke I made up
There once lived an unmarried, flamboyant, lustful king who chased women and slept with everyone in his court. The day came for him to be married, and he went to see a local lord who was rumored to have two beautiful daughters. The king went to meet the lord and his two beautiful daughters. After looking at both daughters the king was ready to announce which one he was going to marry, but before he could, the lord said:

” One last condition my liege, whoever is the daughter that you will not wed, she must be taken with you to your castle and given a position in your court, so that she may learn diplomacy and court intrigue.”

The king furrowed his brow and took a while to reply, when he did finally reply he said: ” Forgive me sir, but I simply cannot ask for the hand of one of your daughters, for they are both very beautiful and I cannot pick one over the other, without lamenting the loss of the one I didn’t wed. It’s like choosing between a sapphire and ruby.”

The lord looked perplexed, and told the king: ” I don’t understand my lord… You can talk to each one in private and see who is to your liking…”

The king adamantly refused to wed any of them, leaving the lord confused and angry. On the way back home: The king’s advisor and trusted friend told him: “You showed great virtue today my liege… But I also don’t quite understand your decision… Are you sure of what you did?”

The king then replied: “Of course I am! The dimwit insists I take both daughters to court and they are identical twins! How can I tell apart my wife from my mistress then?!”

What did the twin embryos say when they were hungry?
– Fetus