Twin jokes 👭🏻👬🏻 in 2025

Slip of the Tongue
Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, “How you doing’, Joe?”
Joe says, “Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers.”
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe’s gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, “your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you.”
One girl replies, “Get out of here. Prove it?”
Mike shouts down stairs -, “Hey, Joe, both of ’em?”
Joe shouts back, “of course, both of ’em!” What’s the point of fuckin’ one?”

Two friends are chatting when one says ‘I had a date with identical twins last night’ the other friend asks ‘any luck?’
– ‘Yes and no’ replied the friend

Why did conjoined twins go to London?
– So the other one could drive a little.

My dad was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them.
– I have an uncle, once removed.

Genders are like the twin towers
– There used to be 2 of them, but now it is a sensitive topic.

What do flatulent Egyptian twins share?
– They have a Toot-in-common.

A girl gives birth to identical twins but has to give them up for adoption…….
– One is adopted by a Spanish family and they call him Juan, the other gets adopted by an Indian family and they decide to call him Amahl.
Years go by and one day the mother, full of regret, decides she wants to know what became of her sons so she goes to the adoption agency and asks them to help her track them down.
Eventually they are able to track down Juan and arrange a meeting but they just can’t find Amahl. The lady is upset and begins to cry, saying “I wanted to meet both of my boys” to which the adoption worker replies “hey, they’re identical twins…. if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amahl.”

4 men are in the hospital waiting room waiting for their babies The nurse walks in and tells the first man: “Congratulations you’re having twins.” The man responds: “That’s a crazy coincidence, i work for the Minnesota twins.”
The nurse tells the second man: “Congratulations you’re having triplets.”
The man responds: “That’s a crazy coincidence, i work for the 3M company.”
The nurse tells the third man: “Congratulations You’re having quadruplets.”
The third man responds: “That’s a crazy coincidence i work at the 4 seasons hotel.”
The fourth man is screaming and banging his head on the wall
The nurse asks him: “What’s wrong?”
He responds: “I screwed up, i work at 7UP”

If you date twin girls, and one of them smokes weed..
– Is that like getting two birds with one stoned?

Did you know Juan the horse has a brother named jamal?
Nothing really special, they’re identical twins.
If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Jamal

My Friend Had Twins Over the Pandemic
I ran into her for the first time in ages and asked how the little ones were doing. She said Amal and Juan were just fine and were growing like weeds.
I asked to see a picture of them and she showed me a single baby on her phone.
“Aren’t there two of them?” I asked.
She replied: “Well if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.
– I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.
After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.
Years go by …
The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at cereal prices, she noticed that Amal was nowhere to be seen. She freaked out and looked in the adjacent aisles and still couldn’t find him. An employee saw Juan crying and the mom flipping out. He asked what was going on, and offered to help. He asked her if she had a photo of Amal so he would know who he was looking for. She told him, “They’re twins … If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal”.

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.
– It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

If 9/11 had happened in July…
– 7/11’s brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.

A recently divorced woman comes across a genie in a lamp
– A recently divorced woman was walking along the beach, when she notices a lamp in the sand. She picks it up and rubs it, and out pops a genie. “I am the genie of this lamp,” he said, “and I will grant you three wishes, but under one condition: whatever you receive, the person you hate the most will receive ten times the amount. Who is the person you hate the most?” The woman replies easily, “My ex-husband.” “Okay, what is your first wish?” “I wish I had a billion dollars!” the woman replied excitedly. Piles and piles of cash appear around her and she is ecstatic, until the genie says, “Remember, though, your ex-husband now has ten billion dollars.” The woman is fuming at this. “Okay, my next wish is to live in a mansion with a view of the ocean.” Suddenly, right behind the woman, a beautiful, enormous mansion appears. The woman begins running towards it, when the genie says “But, remember, your ex-husband now owns a mansion ten times as large and as beautiful.” The woman is now very, very visibly upset. She decides to think very, very carefully about her last wish. After a few minutes of deep thought, she grins wickedly, turns to the genie, and says “I wish to give birth to twins.”

What type of pizza did the twin towers order?
– Plain

Know what’s the best part about my supervisor having an identical twin?
– I get to watch him die twice.