Twin jokes 👭🏻👬🏻 in 2025

A recently divorced woman comes across a genie in a lamp
– A recently divorced woman was walking along the beach, when she notices a lamp in the sand. She picks it up and rubs it, and out pops a genie. “I am the genie of this lamp,” he said, “and I will grant you three wishes, but under one condition: whatever you receive, the person you hate the most will receive ten times the amount. Who is the person you hate the most?” The woman replies easily, “My ex-husband.” “Okay, what is your first wish?” “I wish I had a billion dollars!” the woman replied excitedly. Piles and piles of cash appear around her and she is ecstatic, until the genie says, “Remember, though, your ex-husband now has ten billion dollars.” The woman is fuming at this. “Okay, my next wish is to live in a mansion with a view of the ocean.” Suddenly, right behind the woman, a beautiful, enormous mansion appears. The woman begins running towards it, when the genie says “But, remember, your ex-husband now owns a mansion ten times as large and as beautiful.” The woman is now very, very visibly upset. She decides to think very, very carefully about her last wish. After a few minutes of deep thought, she grins wickedly, turns to the genie, and says “I wish to give birth to twins.”

What type of pizza did the twin towers order?
– Plain

Know what’s the best part about my supervisor having an identical twin?
– I get to watch him die twice.

I’m using Internet Explorer to post this, so it might be a bit delayed…
– But there’s a plane heading towards the twin towers right now.

A woman has twin boys.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

Uncle Names Twins
A pregnant woman was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, “Doc, what happened to my baby!”

The doctor replied, “Ma’am, you’ve had twins! You’re the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you.”

“Oh, no!” shrieked the woman. “Not my brother! He’s not really all together, if you know what I mean!”

The doctor replied, “Well, ma’am, your brother named your daughter Denise.”

“Oh, that’s no so bad,” smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, “What’s the boy’s name?”

The doctor grinned and said, “Denephew.

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
– Because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.

Twins
Two identical twins run around from the mother at the supermarket.
The mom, after looking around for long, finds one of them. She holds him tight:
“Where is you brother?” she asks furiously.
“Mom,” the little boy answers, “it’s me.”

My wife’s fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.
– She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman

Imagine if jesus had been born a Siamese twin…
…it would have been the perfect double cross!

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.
– It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

what do we call a pair of identical twin cats?
– Duplicats

Genders are like the Twin Towers
– There used to be two of them and now its a really sensitive subject.

My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brother’s surprise party.
– That’s when I realized he was her favourite twin.

The twin twist
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”
“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :

“Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”

My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.
– So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

Two identical twins separated at birth…
… And are put up for adoption. One of the twins gets adopted by a Mexican couple and is named Juan. The other twin gets adopted by an Egyptian family and is named Hamal.
Years later their biological mother and father receive a letter from both their children saying how through a bizarre series of coincidences they had found eachother and had tracked down their address. Enclosed was a picture of Juan smiling happily with his adoptive Mexican parents.
“Oh” the mother says to her husband. “he’s so handsome! And seems so happy! I wish I knew what his brother looks like.”
“Honey” said her husband “They’re twins, once you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Hamal.”

What do you name the male and female twin monkeys?
– Abe and Anna