Twin jokes 👭🏻👬🏻 in 2025

My wife hasn’t spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding.
– He’s not happy about it either.

When you’re telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you tell them the entire thing.
– Because you just can’t tell them a part.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11?
– They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains.

I thought tonight was my chance to get it on with a couple of blonde twins
– Turned out I was just with my girlfriend and I had one drink too many!

There’s a pair of twins, Ivan and Oliver Peterson.
They both became doctors. Not medical doctors, but doctors in meteorology.

They study the rain. You know,

Dr.I.P.

Dr.O.P.

A fisherman’s wife gives birth to a healthy set of twins.
– After some time, they notice that one boy always faces toward the ocean and the other always faces away. Even if the parents were to turn them, they would always reposition themselves. So the name the boys “Toward” and “Away” respectively. On the twins’ tenth birthday, the fisherman takes them on a fishing trip. He tells his wife that they will be back in a week. A week passes. Then a month. Then two. Three months pass with no word, and the wife begins to lose hope. However, one day, she saw two figures approaching from the horizon, dragging the biggest fish she’d ever seen. She runs to her husband and child and says, “Wow! That fish is gigantic!” The fisherman says, “Well, it’s actually a funny story. We spent a week at sea, with no luck. However, on the last day, this beast jumped up on the deck and ate Toward whole! For three months I fought the fish, until eventually I was able to defeat it and cut Toward free.”
“That’s amazing!”, the wife says to her son, “but where’s your brother?” The fisherman interrupts and says, “Well, if you think this guy is big, you should have seen the one that got Away!”

Two Siamese twins got into a fight.
– It was really hard to separate them.

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.
– I was beside myself.

My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls.
– I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.

A joke I made up
– There once lived an unmarried, flamboyant, lustful king who chased women and slept with everyone in his court. The day came for him to be married, and he went to see a local lord who was rumored to have two beautiful daughters. The king went to meet the lord and his two beautiful daughters. After looking at both daughters the king was ready to announce which one he was going to marry, but before he could, the lord said:

” One last condition my liege, whoever is the daughter that you will not wed, she must be taken with you to your castle and given a position in your court, so that she may learn diplomacy and court intrigue.”

The king furrowed his brow and took a while to reply, when he did finally reply he said: ” Forgive me sir, but I simply cannot ask for the hand of one of your daughters, for they are both very beautiful and I cannot pick one over the other, without lamenting the loss of the one I didn’t wed. It’s like choosing between a sapphire and ruby.”

The lord looked perplexed, and told the king: ” I don’t understand my lord… You can talk to each one in private and see who is to your liking…”

The king adamantly refused to wed any of them, leaving the lord confused and angry. On the way back home: The king’s advisor and trusted friend told him: “You showed great virtue today my liege… But I also don’t quite understand your decision… Are you sure of what you did?”

The king then replied: “Of course I am! The dimwit insists I take both daughters to court and they are identical twins! How can I tell apart my wife from my mistress then?!”

Two redditors give birth to identical twins
They marvel at how beautiful the first kid is. “This is the cutest thing I have ever seen.”
When they saw the second baby, they had only a single word to describe their reaction.
“Repost.”

My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin…….
– I asked how he could tell them apart. He said “Her brother has a mustache.”

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.
Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through the door and embraces Ving and tells them, “Don’t stop, be Lee, Ving”, “Hold on to that fee, ling.”

A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.
– One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.

The next day, the twins’ uncle died.

A Yiddish speaking newcomer to America took his pregnant wife to the hospital, but during the delivery, when he found out they were twins, he fainted.
He didn’t regain consciousness for a few days so his brother was brought in to help name the children.
“My brother named my kids?!” he exclaimed when he woke up. “But my brother is illiterate! And he can’t even speak any English. Okay, so what did he name the girl !?”
“He named her Denise.”
“Denise? Well, that’s not such a bad name. I kind of like it. And what did he call the little boy?”
“De Nephew.”

Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank?
– After they were caught, they finished each other’s sentences.

Two twins were separated at birth
– One of them lived in Cuba, and was named Juan. The other lived in Egypt, and was named Jamal.
10 years after their birth, their birth mother was sent a picture of one of the twins. “I wish I could see the other one,” she said. The adoption mother then said,
” If you’ve seen juan, you’ve seen jamal.”

A husband and wife give up their identical twin boys for adoption. They name one of them Juan and the other Amol
– Years later the wife receives a letter from Juan reaching out to her, he included a picture. Elated she showed her husband who was excited to see his son doing so well in life.. weeks later they receive a letter from Amol telling them how well he is doing and also included a picture. Wife asks hubby ” do you want to see your sons picture?” hubby replies “Why? if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amol”