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Turtle Jokes 🐢 in 2025

Did you know turtles have the ability to understand puns?
– I wish they would have tortoise that in school.

Why can’t a turtle eat food from McDonald’s?
-Because a turtle is too slow for fast food!

I had a teacher back in primary school called Mr. Turtle.
-A very odd name, but he tortoise well.

I had a teacher in high school, Ms Turtle.
-She tortoise well.

What do you call a turtle who is only awake at night?
-A noc-turtle.

What’s green and goes click click click?
-A ballpoint turtle.

Two snails are sitting on the back of a turtle
-and one snail turns to the other and says “Hold on, friend. Here we go!”

What’s a turtle’s favorite game?
-Beakaboo.

When’s a turtle not a turtle?
-When he’s shell-fish.

What berry are the turtles allergic to?
– Strawberry

What do you call a turtle chef?
-A slow cooker

John: “What was the snapping turtle doing on the highway?”
Bob: “I don’t know.”
-John: “About one kilometer per hour.”

A turtle walked in a restaurant but the owner grabbed it and threw it out.
-It came back 5 months later and yelled: get your hands off me!

What does a turtle need to ride a bike?
– A shell-met.

Where did the turtles first encounter the Evil Leatherhead?
– In the alley-gator.

A snail goes to the police station to report a robbery.
– He was robbed in broad daylight by two turtles. The investigator says,”start from the beginning and tell me what happened”, and the snail says,”I don’t know, everything happened so fast.”

What do turtles do best?
-Slow dances.

What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
-They have a shell-ebration.

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