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Tuesday jokes in 2024

My wife’s panties are labelled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’ …
– My underwear is labelled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’…

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn’t actually mine.
Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

Why were Taco Tuesdays introduced?
– Because they wanted to give us something to taco ’bout the whole week.

Writing “Twosday” instead of “Tuesday” is word play
– But writing “Twosday” twice is four play

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust!

Why couldn’t Tuesday have fun with his friends?
– Because he could never see the weekend from there.

What is the case of a bad Monday called on a Tuesday?
– It is just a pre-existing condition.

People say its a Case of the Mondays
– Tuesday is when you realize it’s a preexisting condition

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
– Right where you left it.

Why did taco cry on a Tuesday when it was supposed to be happy because it was Taco Tuesday?
– Because a nacho said to it, “I am nacho friend anymore”.

Death
– Told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for next Tuesday.

What is the opposite of a croissant?
– A happy uncle.

What did dad say when mom asked him to get groceries alone?
– He said, “It’s Twosday, you’ve got to come along with me.”

SNL does great parodies of presidential debates.
– For some reason this one is airing on a Tuesday though

When you die, what part of the body dies last?
– The pupils…they dilate.

What sounds better than a ‘happy Monday’?
– A very ‘happy Tuesday’ indeed.

Why is a Tuesday morning not bad?
– Because it a sign that one has survived through the previous Monday morning!

Why are Asian women so excited about Tuesday?
– It’s Erection Day.

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