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Tuesday jokes in 2024

Which branch of the military accepts toddlers?
– The infantry.

What do Tuesdays always love to do?
– They like to put the blame on Mondays.

What happens when the new President moves into the White House, but the old President refuses to leave?
####’My Two Presidents’

New CBS Tuesdays after NCIS: The Really Odd Couple 10/9c

You know there’s no official training for trash collectors?
– They just pick things up as they go along.

What is common between eggs and Tuesday?
– One can make a scrambled breakfast and the other can scramble your week.

Why are mints necessary for meals during Tuesday mornings?
– Because they back you up with an encourage-mint to reach the weekend.

So I got a nose job last Tuesday…
– It’s amazing what hookers will do if you tip them.

(Original joke)

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
– Phillipe Phillope.

What does a clean Tuesday symbolize?
– A cluttered next weekend!

Why is there less air travel on Tuesdays?
– Because you’re supposed Tuesday on the ground.

Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
– You just have to listen varicosely.

What is the worst day for a loaf of bread?
– It is a Toast Day!

At San Francisco’s airport last Tuesday, customs officials confiscated 20 giant centipedes.
They said, “There’s just not enough leg room in the airplane”.

I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.
I wonder how many people are in that field.

How do tacos share stories about their scary experiences up until Tuesday?
…and then came the savior, Tuesday!

What did the executioner say on a Tuesday morning?
– It’s time to beheaded to work.

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

How do you keep the dreams alive on Tuesdays?
– By hitting the snooze button.

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