Trucker jokes 🚚 in 2025

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq.
– They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

A trucker and a blonde.
– A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman’s car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.

“Don’t you dare set foot outside this circle,” the trucker orders.

He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman’s car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman’s car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.

“I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!” The trucker shouts.

The blonde replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”

How do truckers contact each other in Wisconsin?
– They use a Milwaukee-Talkie

Alahu Akbar
– A man, who was on his way to work, was at a stop light when a car full of Muslims pulled up next to him. They started shouting at him saying “Alahu Akbar” and “Death to America”. The man is a bit freaked out. When the light turned green the man waited so as to put some distance between himself and the Muslims. The Muslims accelerated quickly into the intersection and were promptly killed by a semi truck that ran the light. The man got to work and had a chance to think about what had happened. “That could have been ME!” he thought. So then and there he quit his job and got a new job as a truck driver.

Blondes At The Bus Stop.
– Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver – “will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”

The bus driver shakes his head, “no, I’m sorry, it won’t” he says.

The other blonde leans inside and asks, “how about me?”

Have you heard about J.B. Hunt’s new accident kit?
– It comes with a 3 gallons of orange paint and a paint brush.

I got T-boned by a construction delivery truck the other day.
-It came down like a ton of bricks.

TIL that Daryl Hall and John Oates started out as long-distance truckers
– They were haulin’ oats

Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?
A: the defendant

Source: I’m a trucker. (reformed)

For the young and/or foreign:

Defendant – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defendant‎
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act defined as punishable under criminal law.

A biker gang comes into a transport cafe
and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.

They laugh loudly and say to the waitress “He wasn’t much of a man, was he?”

“No,” she says, “and he’s not much of a truck driver either — he’s just backed an eighteen-wheeler over a whole line of motorbikes.”

Why are the fire trucks red???
– You would be too if your hose was hanging out all day…..

What did the Mexican truck driver say in his defense when he got pulled over with ten tons of imported snails?
– Es Cargo.

What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?
– the defendant

How do you say J.B. Hunt in German?
– Schneider.

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.
He says:

– I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I’ll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

– I need 50 pictures of Kim Kardashian.

He gets them, and drives away with them. Soon, he comes back in a brand-new truck and new clothes and says:

– I need 100 pictures of Kim Kardashian.

He gets them and takes them away. Soon, he comes back in a huge customized truck and designer clothes and says:

– I need 200 pictures of Kim Kardashian.

The store clerk asks him:

– What’s the deal with these pictures? How come you were recently poor, but now you’re driving a truck worth more than my house?

The man replies:

– I opened a shooting range.

I just got hired as a garbage truck driver.
– There was no training, but I think I’ll pick it up as i go along.

How are those Super Singles treatin’ ya?
– You should know, you are one!

A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking
– Two truckers stop and pick him up.
They’re driving along and the trucker driving farts. It’s completely silent. Then the trucker sitting next to him farts, and it makes no sound at all. The hitchhiker farts, and it’s loud enough to shake the whole cab.

Both the truckers turn and yell “virgin!”