Trucker jokes 🚚 in 2024

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?
– All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

I’m pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.

My teacher told me I’d never get a job staring out of a window
– I guess I showed her, huh?

On the back of his truck was a sign saying, ‘How am I driving?’
– I thought to myself, “I’ve got no idea either!”

how do you say J.B.Hunt in german???
– SCHNEIDER!!! Or WERNER!!!

A police officer was monitoring the highway…
….When he saw a pickup truck going 20 miles below the speed limit.

The officer pulls behind the truck and pulls the truck over.

As he walked up to the driver, he noticed that the trunk bed was filled with penguins! Doing as penguins would waddling around and such.

The officer goes to the truck driver and says “You cant be driving with all these penguins! They gotta go the zoo!”

The truck driver apologies and promises to head straight to the zoo.

Next day, the officer sees the same truck going 20 below the speed-limit again!

The officer pulls the truck over. As the officer walks up he notices that the trunk is still filled with penguins, but this time they are all wearing sunglasses.

The officer is furious. He tells the driver “You think you can pull one over on me! I told you to take the penguins to the zoo!”

The driver looks up and says “I took them yesterday! Today i’m taking them to the beach.”

A priest and a pastor…
… are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, ‘The end is near! Turn around now before it’s too late!’

They hold up the sign to cars passing by.

“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yells the first driver as he speeds by.

From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.

“Do you think,” says the priest to the pastor, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

Truckers are getting into trouble with environmentalists for animal cruelty these days.
– Because their trucks don’t go fast enough to kill the bugs. Only crush their tiny legs and arms.

A police officer tells a man. “I’m sorry but sir but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck.”
– And he says “Ya, but she has a great personality.”

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq.
– They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

A trucker and a blonde.
– A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman’s car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.

“Don’t you dare set foot outside this circle,” the trucker orders.

He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman’s car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman’s car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.

“I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!” The trucker shouts.

The blonde replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”

How do truckers contact each other in Wisconsin?
– They use a Milwaukee-Talkie

Alahu Akbar
– A man, who was on his way to work, was at a stop light when a car full of Muslims pulled up next to him. They started shouting at him saying “Alahu Akbar” and “Death to America”. The man is a bit freaked out. When the light turned green the man waited so as to put some distance between himself and the Muslims. The Muslims accelerated quickly into the intersection and were promptly killed by a semi truck that ran the light. The man got to work and had a chance to think about what had happened. “That could have been ME!” he thought. So then and there he quit his job and got a new job as a truck driver.

Blondes At The Bus Stop.
– Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver – “will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”

The bus driver shakes his head, “no, I’m sorry, it won’t” he says.

The other blonde leans inside and asks, “how about me?”

Have you heard about J.B. Hunt’s new accident kit?
– It comes with a 3 gallons of orange paint and a paint brush.

I got T-boned by a construction delivery truck the other day.
-It came down like a ton of bricks.

TIL that Daryl Hall and John Oates started out as long-distance truckers
– They were haulin’ oats

Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?
A: the defendant

Source: I’m a trucker. (reformed)

For the young and/or foreign:

Defendant – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defendant‎
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act defined as punishable under criminal law.

A biker gang comes into a transport cafe
and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.

They laugh loudly and say to the waitress “He wasn’t much of a man, was he?”

“No,” she says, “and he’s not much of a truck driver either — he’s just backed an eighteen-wheeler over a whole line of motorbikes.”