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Tree Jokes 🌲 in 2025

What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?
-Absent without leaf.

What is green, has leaves, and a trunk?
-A houseplant going on vacation.

What do you call nice trees without any teeth?
-Sweetgums.

Why can’t Christmas trees sew?
-They always drop their needles

Did you hear about the big corporation that’s making syrup from supposedly contaminated trees?
– They maple their brand off the shelves.

How did the apple tree get the job?
-It had the right qua-leaf-ications..

Why do trees make the worst frenemies?
-Because they are the best at throwing shade!

Which flowering plant is a champion equestrian?
– The horse chestnut. (It totally conkers the competition.)

What do you give to a thirsty tree?
-Lemon-aid.

What was the tree’s favorite thing about Star Trek?
-The Captain’s log.

How do you know when a tree doesn’t know the answer to something?
-It shrubs.

Why couldn’t the fig tree get back in shape?
– It couldn’t stick to a root-ine.

Did you know that I can cut down a dead tree just by looking at it?
-It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes!

How do you get down from a tree?
-You don’t. Down comes from a duck.

Which Canadian city is a favorite vacation spot for American trees?
-Montreeal.

What did the tree do when the bank closed?
-It started its own branch.

What motorcycle brand do London plane trees ride through the forest?
– Treeumph

Why didn’t the tree hunt?
-It was against his beleafs.

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