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Train jokes 🚅 in 2025

A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition.
– He lost on points.

The train driver loves attention – he loves knowing he’s the train event at the party.

The train driver got married to his partner: they are united in holy matramony.

How do you make the locomotive Olympics?
– Train really hard.

Knock, knock!
– Who’s there?
– Chew.
– Chew who?
– You sound like a chew-chew train.

I’ve always liked one-liners.
– That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.

Being a train driver is a difficult job: you have to keep track of every detail.

No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late.
– It’s a slowcomotive.

Railroad workers aren’t what they used to be. In the good old days, all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.

Why shouldn’t you fall asleep on trains?
– Because they run over sleepers.

Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.

The conductor was right in the middle of her presentation when she lost her train of thought.
– Embarrassed, she quickly disembarked from the room.

Why did the ghost get fired from his job at the railroad?
– He couldn’t coordinate the skeleton service.

I handed in my notice today and left my job as a newspaper reporter. I obviously took the ex-press train back home.

Why was the train engine humming?
– It had forgotten the words.

I tried to get a job as a railway conductor, but they didn’t think I had enough training.

Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry.
– Make sure you don’t yank their train!

The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train.
– They suspected the culprit had a locomotive.

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