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Train jokes 🚅 in 2025

Of course the train driver believes in love at first sight:
– it’s freight!

Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning.
– Right at the track of dawn.

Why did the elephant refuse to travel on the train?
– Because she didn’t want to leave her trunk in the baggage carriage.

Ticket inspectors.
– You’ve got to hand it to them…

Train drivers are great criminals, they know how to cover their tracks.

Train conductors are clever and known for their engine-uity.

I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town.
– The ex-press train.

What did the train track say when he walked into the bar with the motorway?
– A pint for me please, and one for the road.

A train track and a motorway walk into a bar.
– The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road”.

Did you know that train conductors make great thieves?
– They’re really good at covering their tracks.

The conductor was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along.

I went to a railway fancy dress party at the weekend. I wasn’t surprised to see every person there was wearing platforms.

Why do you have to wait longer for a train on Halloween?
– Because they run a skeleton service.

How do locomotives hear?
– Through their engineers.

Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor.
– They’re quite at-track-tive.

Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams.

You know what they say, a train is only as strong as its weakest link!

It’s a freight day to go for a ride on a train.

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