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Tax jokes 💸 in 2025

What does an accountant say when getting on a train?
– “Mind the GAAP.”

What do actuaries do to liven up their parties?
– Invite an accountant.

How do accountants pick their friends?
– They stick with assets and drop liabilities.

Why did the IRS audit the church?
– For reporting false profits.

Accountants never see the glass as half-empty or half-full.
– They see the glass as twice as large as necessary!

Which superhero pays no tax?
– Spiderman, all his income is net.

People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me…This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.

How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted?
– He looks at your shoes when talking to you instead of looking at his own.

Why are most accountants so goodlooking?
– They have great figures.

Accountants aren’t opinionated, but they are always right.

Why won’t the IRS embrace bitcoin?
– They don’t trust anything they can’t freeze.

How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh?
– The Net Present Value.

What does an accountant say when boarding a train?
– “Mind the GAAP!”

What does the cannibal CPA charge?
– An arm and a leg.

Why did the IRS audit a chiropractor?
– Because he owed back taxes.

Why did Sherlock Holmes got audited by the IRS?
– He had too many deductions.

What do accountants like most about the weekends?
– They get to wear casual clothes to work!

They are going to start taxing hitchhikers
– They call it the thumbtax

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