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Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2025

A man calls over a waiter during his meal ‘There is a fly swimming in my soup!’
– ‘Look on the bright side Sir’ replied the waiter ‘If the portions weren’t so generous he’d be wading’

You should eat your pasta if you want to swim fasta.

The best insect swimmer is the butterfly, obviously!

What do you call a dog who can’t swim?
– A land rover

Kylie Jenner tries to go into the ocean for a swim but gets stopped by the life guard
The life guard says “U can’t go in there,
There’s already enough plastic in the sea”

What did the fish say after swimming into a cement wall?
– Damn.

They call someone who wears boxer shorts a boxer, they call someone who wears swim shorts a swimmer, but what do you call someone who doesn’t wear any shorts at all?
– A swinger.

What has two knees and swims?
– A two-knee fish.

My life splashed before my eyes when I realized, after jumping off the side, that the pool was not deep enough for diving.

What do you do if king kong comes through your window?
– Start swimming

Where do fish keep their money?
– In river-banks!

Casper likes to go swimming, but only in Lake Eerie.

Did you know that an elephant can swim 20 miles a day?
– No wonder they always carry their trunks with them.

Jesus, Matthew and Luke…
…are looking out to the Sea of Galilee and
Luke says to Jesus “what’s that in the distance, my master?” Jesus replies “it’s an oil rig my child”.

Matthew says “Can we go and see it?”

“Of course Matthew” and they all dive in the sea. After a mile or so, Matthew and Luke are really struggling to swim and Jesus is casually walking on the water by the side of them, enjoying the stroll.

“Messiah, we are too tired. We can’t make it…we can’t make it”. They are half way to sinking with exhaustion.

“It is not a problem my children, there is a solution” Jesus replies “hop on the pipe and walk with me”

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community.

Yesterday I saw a marine mammal swim along the coast holding a glass of orange juice in it’s flippers.
– Turned out to be a Vitamin C-lion

How was Jaws able to sneak up on people while they were swimming?
– Wouldn’t they hear the tuba?

My brother’s dog’s name is sub-woofer. He’s a diving dog, in case you couldn’t tell.

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