Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2025

Why don’t vegetarians swim in competitions?
– Because they don’t like meets.

Swimmers keep their cash in the river bank.

This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?

My friend told me he put a potato down his swim trunks and now the girls won’t leave him alone
– Didn’t work for me. Apparently, you need to put it in the front.

What’s yellow and can’t swim
– A school bus full of children.

Two cats are having a swimming race
One is called ‘one two three’. The other ‘un deux trois’. Which cat won?
‘one two three’ won because ‘un deux trois’ cat sank.

On his cake day, the man swims across the river
When he is in the middle of the river, suddenly a loud voice out of nowhere asks: “plus two or minus two?”
The man decides that more is better than less and says : “plus two”.
At first it looks like nothing happened, but when he gets out of the water, he releases he now has 4 balls.
The man thinks to himself: “Now I look wired down there. I will swim to the other side again, and when the voice asks, I will answer minus two, and it will get back to normal”
The mans swims back, and in the middle of the river the voice out of nowhere asks: “plus four or minus four?”
The man says: “Plus four. But this time, it better be karma”

Everybody is trying to make big splashes nowadays by diving deep into conspiracy theories.

Lettuce!
What lettuce do you eat at a swimming pool? >!Endives.!< What lettuce do you find in the Arctic? >!Iceberg.!< What lettuce do you eat in the Colosseum? >!Romaine.!< What lettuce do people with curly hair eat? >!Frisée!<

What is the best exercise for swimmers?
– Pool-ups!

Sharing these swimming puns at a summer pool party is the perfect way to have pun in the sun.

You’re a cool kit, I’m a pool kid.

Dave and Betty…..
Dave and Betty were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while walking past the hospital swimming pool, Dave jumped into the deep end and starting drowning.

Betty promptly jumped in to save him, swam to the bottom and pulled Dave out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Betty’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Betty the news she said, ‘Betty, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Dave, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.

I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Betty replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?’

My friend really wanted a swimming pool
He’s asking us for donations to help achieve his dream.

So I gave him a bottle of water.

My wife and I were watching my 6 yr old daughter swim and she says to me (not wanting to swear), “She needs to stop screwing around and keep her head above the Effin water!”
– So I said, “There’s no “F” in water”.

Why can’t the Kardashians swim at the beach?
– Because plastic is bad for the ocean.

A young Blonde was on vacation in Louisiana She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn’t want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
– After becoming very frustrated with the ‘no haggle’ attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, ‘Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!’ The shopkeeper said, ‘By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!’ Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist-deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, ‘Darn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!’

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
– Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is in the US