Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2025

Casper likes to go swimming, but only in Lake Eerie.

Did you know that an elephant can swim 20 miles a day?
– No wonder they always carry their trunks with them.

Jesus, Matthew and Luke…
…are looking out to the Sea of Galilee and
Luke says to Jesus “what’s that in the distance, my master?” Jesus replies “it’s an oil rig my child”.

Matthew says “Can we go and see it?”

“Of course Matthew” and they all dive in the sea. After a mile or so, Matthew and Luke are really struggling to swim and Jesus is casually walking on the water by the side of them, enjoying the stroll.

“Messiah, we are too tired. We can’t make it…we can’t make it”. They are half way to sinking with exhaustion.

“It is not a problem my children, there is a solution” Jesus replies “hop on the pipe and walk with me”

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community.

Yesterday I saw a marine mammal swim along the coast holding a glass of orange juice in it’s flippers.
– Turned out to be a Vitamin C-lion

How was Jaws able to sneak up on people while they were swimming?
– Wouldn’t they hear the tuba?

My brother’s dog’s name is sub-woofer. He’s a diving dog, in case you couldn’t tell.

What do electric eels like to swim in?
– Fresh Watter

What kind of stroke can you use on toast?
– BUTTER-fly!

“Water you doing this afternoon?”
– I asked my swimmer boyfriend.

One day, a fish was swimming so fast that he didn’t see the wall and smashed into it. “Dam”, he said.

Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my daughter’s first swimming lessons,
– She’s definitely not a witch

How do you know if a swimming pool is safe for diving?
– It deepends

A man calls over a waiter during his meal ‘There is a fly swimming in my soup!’
– ‘Look on the bright side Sir’ replied the waiter ‘If the portions weren’t so generous he’d be wading’

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act. “You’re going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket” But, officer, I didn’t catch these — they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they’re done they jump back into the bucket.
“Oh really? This I’ve got to see. If you can prove it, I’ll let you go.”r>
The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens.
Game warden: So where are the fish?
Fisherman: What fish?

A man at work calls his house to check on his wife A Little Girl Picks Up The Phone. “Hi honey, can you put your mom on the phone?” “I can’t, she’s upstairs with Uncle Steve.””But you don’t have an Uncle Steve.” “Yes I do. He’s upstairs with mommy in the bedroom.”
Getting angry, the guy keeps his voice calm and says, “Okay honey, this is what I want you to do. Go upstairs and knock on the bedroom door. Tell mommy that my car just pulled into the driveway.”

3 minutes pass and the little girl gets on the phone again.

“Daddy, I did what you said and mommy and Uncle Steve started yelling and running around the room. Uncle Steve jumped out of the bedroom window into the front yard and I think he broke his leg!”

“Mommy jumped out of the other window into the backyard. I think she was going for the swimming pool but she forgot you drained the pool last weekend to clean it, and I think she’s hurt really bad!”

The man pauses for a moment and says, “Swimming pool? Is this 328-7124?”

Why does the Olympics swimming have lifeguards?
– In case one of the swimmers has a stroke.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer “What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?” The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said “There is a 99.97% chance we’ll make it across that bridge safely.

The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking “Forget that, I’m swimming!”