Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2024

I never go to a swimmers’ party because they always have pool noodles.

Gardeners are good swimmers
– because they have great seed times.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?…
…Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

The Caller
“Hello?” the child says on the phone. “Hi, honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?” “No, Daddy,” says the litter girl. “She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.” “Oh, yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.” Dad takes a deep breath. “Okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

“Okay, Daddy, just a minute,” says the little girl. A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it, Daddy.” “What happened, honey?” he asks. “Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all.” “Oh, my God! What about your Uncle Paul?” asks Dad in a panic. “He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out all the water last week to clean the pool. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

There’s a long pause on the phone. Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?”

My friend really wanted a swimming pool
He’s asking us for donations to help achieve his dream.
So I gave him a bottle of water.

The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff’s hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, “Never mind boys, I’ll get it.”
Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,
walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope’s entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC reported:
“BIDEN CAN’T SWIM”

How do you teach an Italian to swim?
– Ask them to explain something to you then jump into the ocean with them.

My doctor told me to dive deep into some vitamin sea to improve my health.

Security Guard : “I’m sorry ma’am.But due to covid regulations, swimming in the hotel pool is prohibited”
Woman : ” You could have warned me before I removed the clothes”

Security guard :” Well, there is no prohibition about that”.

What did Cinderella wear on her feet when she went swimming?
– Glass Flippers.

When they asked the swimmer about how he went back in time, he said he was just doing backstroke.

This summer is going swimmingly.

A sole and a flounder are swimming in the ocean when they bump into each other. The sole says, “A flounder!”
– The flounder, to be polite, says nothing.

A man’s ship sinks and he finds himself marooned on a deserted island. After a 2 months, a beautiful woman in a wetsuit swims ashore.
“I bet it’s been a while since you had a beer.” she says. “Oh, boy has it ever!” the man replies and she proceeds to pull an ice cold beer out of a pocket of the wet suit and hands it to him.
“I bet it’s been a while since you had a cigar.” she says. “My, it has been so long!” and she proceeds to pull a cigar and lighter out of another pocket. She lights him the cigar and hands it to him.
“I bet it’s been a while since you…. played around.” she says, teasingly pulling at the zipper on the front of the wetsuit.
“Are you kidding me?!” says the man. “You have a bag of golf clubs in there, too?!”

A woman’s swim team competitor was really upset by her recent loss at the Olympics.
– It was during the breast stroke competition when she came in fourth place. She complained the other women were cheating because they were using their arms.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community.

I never felt so low in my life than when I went scuba diving.

Cop: “Excuse me Miss, but swimming in the lake is not permitted.” Woman: “Why didn’t you mention this to me when I was getting undressed?
– Cop: “Well, because that is permitted.”